Timothy J. Engel

Timothy J. Engel

    A memorial gathering will be held at the Engel family home in Katonah, N.Y., on Saturday for Timothy J. Engel, who died on Oct. 27 at the Westchester Medical Center in Valhalla, N.Y. Mr. Engel had been troubled, and his death was the result of suicide, his family said. He would have been 60 years old on Dec. 4.
    Mr. Engel was well known on the South Fork. He lived in Sagaponack as a child and had worked on the Topping Horse Farm and in farming with his stepfather, the late Bud Topping, with whom he went hunting and ice boating.
    The writer Peter Matthiessen of Sagaponack remembered Mr. Engel as a warm and jolly young man who was kind to the Matthiessen children and provided spirit in a touch football game that was held over the years in a horse farm pasture. He also had worked on a ranch in Wyoming as a young man, an experience he treasured.
    Mr. Engel began his career as a reporter and writer for the CBS house magazine, and he was a speech writer for ABC, both in New York. He went on to work in marketing for the Dreyfus Corporation in New York and Fidelity Investments in Boston. He then managed family real estate holdings in White Plains, N.Y., and Greenwich, Conn.
    The son of Tinka D. Topping of Sagaponack, who survives, and the late Herman Engel of New York, he was born in New York City. He went to the Dalton School and graduated from the New Lincoln School, having also attended the Bridgehampton School for a time. He attended New York University.
    Jon Snow of Sagaponack remembers his brother-in-law as a deeply courteous and thoughtful person with whom he had shared three things important to both: Faulkner, poker, and tennis. “He was a great conversationalist. A great mind and great wit, he was one of the best-educated people I ever knew,” Mr. Snow said.
     Always athletic, Mr. Engel had coached recreational basketball, his favorite sport, as well as baseball and soccer from the time his children were 4 or 5 through their teenage years.
    Timothy and Elizabeth Mclanahan Engel had been married for 30 years. She survives, as do three children: Ruby Engel of Katonah, a senior at John Jay High School in Katonah, Gavin D. Engel, a senior at the Rhode Island School of Design, and Jasper Engel of Brooklyn, who works for American Corporate Partners, a nonprofit organization that mentors veterans seeking careers. Mr. Engel also is survived by three sisters: Kathy Engel of Sagaponack, Susan Engel of Great Barrington, Mass., and Jenno Topping of Santa Monica, Calif.
    The family has suggested contributions in Mr. Engel’s memory for the Ruby Engel College Scholarship Fund. They can be sent to Elizabeth Engel, 193 Todd Road, Katonah 10536.
 

Comments

My first clear memories of Tim were when he was " the so cool" older than me cousin Those were the days he had long hair Wore old,long legged,loose,blue,dusty jeans With a big belt & cowboy boots He looked like he had been working or riding His blue piercing eyes didn't miss a trick Squinting sometimes Full lips, ready to laugh,or be funny He had a jaunty walk I thought he was absolutely the coolest. I always wanted an older brother and I thought his sisters were lucky to have a big brother, like him I remember a rare riding trip to Vermont We all sat at breakfast at a round table.Tim ordered his.Paul,my brother who adored Tim said,right away, " Me too". He wanted to be like Tim. It was a " me too" moment which got repeated cause Pop loved it I think of Tim with a big heart who loved He loved his grandparents He loved the family he came from He loved the family he had He was the good big friendly and smart guy......... Whenever I saw him through the years I always had a friendly feeling. He was the oldest, care taker big brother,older than me cousin. He was Tim. I always loved that name cause of him When Tinka tuned 80 I performed an oriental belly dance for her which was sort of uncommon. Afterwards people were on the dance floor. Tim's eldest son, then 16 or so, who didn't know me well at all, came up to ask me to dance. I was amazed and never forgot it. He was like Tim and Liz both - nice, warm, curious and not shy Last time I saw him was at Bud's service He had changed a lot - we all do But he still had those piercing eyes that didn't miss a trick,full lips ready to laugh or be funny and the jaunty walk That day I remember he stayed very close to his family.They were all very close to each other. I could see and feel how much love there was Both sides of our family know now, what it's like to lose someone out of order because of life's uncharterable pain No one knows what it's like to be in another's shoes,body or mind We all try to do the best we can with what we have but it doesn't always work out The thing about being human is that we have a body - healthy or not,we can feel and touch everything - all the good and bad feelings Tim isn't in pain anymore I'm glad he was my cousin I will always remember him with love Love Barbara of Tiverton RI
To honor my husband Tim's 60th birthday today, December 4th, 2011, I would like to see the name of his stepmother Sonya M. Friedman added here as a survivor. A mother and mother-in-law to me for the 30 years that Tim and I were together, Sonya continues to be a steadfast grandmother to all three of our kids, taking part in all holidays, family events, graduations, Mother's and Father's Days, etc. She and I have danced the Salsa at Christmas, rafted on the White River in August, and cried together over the loss of Tim's dad, Herman. Sonya housed Jasper in NYC for his first job upon graduating from NYU, got Gavin to Sweden for his year abroad at RISD, and was a constant support to all us last year when Ruby was gravely ill for ten months. It is Sonya to whom Tim first turned when he fell into despair and it is Sonya who, aged 79, got on a train, bag of food in hand, two weeks after Tim killed himself and I started to come apart. She slept in my room and stayed with me constantly until I felt stronger again. It is painful for me to see her excluded from this obituary and I think it would be unbearable for Tim.