Limit the Number
East Hampton Village
March 29, 2025
Dear David,
On the 20th of May, will good or bad prevail?
I have been informed that the Toilsome Lane Farm Restaurant and Brewery is planning to present a new set of plans to the Design Review Board on May 20. Concerned and caring residents of the Village of East Hampton should be there to ensure that the tranquility of our village is not compromised.
Why is this good? Because, after years of opposition, the Diamond family are finally planning on submitting plans, not for a “tavern,” which would have violated the zoning code and would have destroyed the tranquility of our village, but, instead, for a “restaurant” that is permitted and will, under village code, restrict invasive entertainment and prevent noise pollution.
There is no question that many of us would welcome a peaceful restaurant to enjoy a cold glass of local brew and a juicy burger on Toilsome lane.
Why could this be bad? First, because there is a massive loophole since a restaurant can still apply for special events permits that could enable any current or future owner of the restaurant to hold outdoor rock concerts, large parties, and other happenings that would encourage hundreds of partygoers and their cars and motorcycles to destroy the tranquility of the Village of East Hampton.
The way the law is written, it’s theoretically possible to have continuous run of these special events all 365 days of the year, rather than infrequently, as most people might assume.
Second, the Diamonds have gone out of their way to assure me and my wife (our home is adjacent to the brewery) that, owing to their respect for their neighbors, under the Diamond ownership noise pollution will not be a factor. They are even going to install a sound system that would prevent music from carrying beyond their property.
I personally believe that the Diamonds’ intentions are honorable and most welcome, but, if in the future new management should take over the restaurant, there would be nothing to prevent them from taking advantage of the special events loophole that would cause irreversible harm to our treasured residential neighborhood.
How to solve the problem: Based on the Diamonds’ good faith I feel that there is a fair compromise and solution. Before the D.R.B. approves the restaurant’s application there needs to be an enforceable agreement between the village and the Diamonds, limiting the number of special events (and people) that can be held each year, as well as including restrictions that would prevent unacceptable noise going beyond their property line. This agreement should be binding for any restaurant located at 15 Toilsome Lane forever.
As we witnessed with the Hedges Inn last summer, this is an issue that affects all of the residents of the Village of East Hampton.
MICHAEL AARON
Unjudge-Like Lengths
Amagansett
March 28, 2025
To the Editor:
I had a unique first-time experience before a New York State Supreme Court judge in Riverhead the other day: He directed the court officer to remove me from the courtroom.
I will not name the judge or the case, but will say that I agreed to represent an ordinary citizen in a case involving the town power hierarchy. The judge authorized the other parties to continue settlement discussions while excluding me and my clients, ordered me not to make a motion challenging this, ended the discussion while I was still making an application, then deployed the court officer when I kept talking.
I only take cases out here when the less-powerful and influential party asks me for help against the town or the political machine. This is the third time judges have gone to very unjudge-like lengths to silence me and my client on these political cases. When I sued the East Hampton Town Democrats, a judge granted a motion to dismiss not returnable for two more weeks, which I had not yet answered (Voldemort was in the courtroom). When I sued the board of elections on behalf of a local political party, an unnamed appellate judge reached out through a staff member to warn me not to take an appeal.
Philip Marlowe, the protagonist of Raymond Chandler’s detective novels, hated to visit the fictional Los Angeles hamlet, Bay City, where the mayor and police were corrupt and violence always ensued. Suffolk County is my Bay City — yet I live here. I have received more professional treatment from judges in places as far-flung as Lubbock, Texas, and Mandan, North Dakota. I can theorize that it is a courthouse in which the judges and almost all the attorneys see each other every day and feel entitled to stand shoulder to shoulder to exclude an outsider, especially an outspoken one. But that isn’t justice, it’s “just us.”
We need better judges (and lawyers).
For democracy in Suffolk County,
JONATHAN WALLACE
Should Be Ashamed
East Hampton
March 31, 2025
To the Editor,
I have read many biased and factually challenged articles over the years, but this reached a new low when it comes to veracity. Writing an article based on the opinion of one man who has historically advocated for turning our beautiful, naturally developed park into fields is hardly objective. Quoting the company who “cleared” the park (and by cleared I mean leaving roots and wood shards sticking up and lying all over the newly opened areas and trails), is laughable. Anyone can see that his claim that he did not clear-cut the park and remove all the roots is totally false. I wonder if Ian Calder-Piedmonte, who doesn’t use the park, pushed for this project and laughably says that “Change is hard” even took the time to see what was left after that company ravaged our park.
The author states that “. . . piles of poop were nearly as widespread as the invasives. The colloquial name for the park, the Springs dog park, highlights their presence,” and — adding to the insult — then states that “Mr. Wilson walked by a green ‘compostable’ dog bag dangling, full of excrement, from the branch of one autumn olive. Perhaps it was a perfect analogy for what the park has become, since it was bought with money from the community preservation fund in 2002.”
Those are two truly disgusting false statements since most people are careful about picking up, not even limiting their cleanup to their own dogs’ poop, but also picking up whenever they see something. In 20-plus years of walking this park daily, I have never seen any bags of anything dangling from any tree. What a coincidence that only Scott Wilson and this author happened to see that.
Mr. Wilson then states, “We’re not trying to rob people of shade. We’re trying to control the overgrowth of invasive species. We’re trying to recapture some of these areas where there could be native grass. In fact, in the cleared acre, a number of larger black locust trees, themselves invasive, were left. A compromise.”
A compromise? What nobody wanted was fields of grass. Everyone was clear about that. Moreover, shade is exactly what was taken, as well as wind-breaking plants, leaving the park with sun shining directly down on the trails, and many people commenting on how unpleasantly windy it has become.
“I love walking here when I do come,” Mr. Wilson said, “but I don’t have a dog anymore, so I almost never do. It’s uncomfortable.” What? Many people come here without dogs. If he’s uncomfortable, he should ask himself why, not blame it on dog owners or the fact that he no longer has a dog. Or does he “love walking here”? He seems confused.
Your article states that “Of significance is that, when it was bought, the park was home to the field sparrow, listed in the 2025 State of the Birds report as a ‘tipping point’ species that has lost more than 50 percent of its population since 1970.”
Since 1970? 1970? This park wasn’t purchased until 2009. Apparently, then, it’s a nationwide problem. Not an East Hampton problem, not a Springs problem, and not a park problem.
Interestingly, an article in Biological Invasions states that “In a new study published in April 2024 researchers in Connecticut show that some of the most vilified invasive plants in northeastern U.S. forests may actually be of comparable value to native plants as foraging resources for insectivorous birds, and large-scale invasive plant removal on behalf of these birds may not have the intended benefits.”
Chris Gangemi, who touts himself as a bird authority, then idiotically states, “Hopefully the institution of the management plan will allow our avian friends to prosper and grow.” Does he even realize how many nests were destroyed? Did he know that it is nesting season? There were multitudes of bird species in the park, so much so that birdwatchers who typically do not own dogs came regularly. And then he tries to blame dogs because “field sparrows nest on the ground, meaning that their eggs and nestlings can be put at risk by off-leash dogs.” Oh wait. Field sparrows haven’t been seen since the 1970s. Nice try. Or should I say nice lie?
This project displayed a disgraceful disregard for what people wanted. What the community wanted. These people were not truthful and they left the park a mess with no plan to revegetate or clean up. They should be ashamed of what they did. And this article, nicely timed to offset the multiple letters regarding the park published the same day, should be an embarrassment to you.
BARBARA FELDMAN
Did Nothing Wrong
Springs
March 31, 2025
Dear David,
Some know me. Some know of me. Or not. I am a retired criminal defense attorney in good standing. Also a Marines captain that fought in Vietnam in 1967 and 1968. I attended law school on the G.I. Bill. In 1973 I started to practice, solely, criminal defense.
This past summer, a woman with two Afghan dogs approached Eden, my yellow lab, and me near the end of our walk at the Springs dog park. I recognized her from seeing her many times in the park. She asked me to sign a petition opposing changes at the dog park. I gladly signed her petition and we parted.
Several months later, we ran into each other at the I.G.A. on North Main Street. She told me “I got in trouble because of the petition.” We spoke for a while about her being arrested and her pending case in the East Hampton Town Justice Court. I learned for the first time her name was Barbara Feldman. During our conversation I informed her that I am a retired criminal defense attorney and I host an L.T.V. show titled, “Gung Ho.” It’s about injustice. As I’m writing, my “Gung Ho” show with guest Jay Goldberg Esq. is airing locally and on YouTube. Many considered Jay the best criminal defense lawyer in the last hundred years. We did four shows together titled, “The Broken Criminal Injustice System.” Jay died in December 2022. I offered to help Barbara by having her appear as a guest on my show. We exchanged contact information. Several days later she called me, and we met at her home.
At this first meeting, she handed me a binder that contained a complete documented history about the ongoing case against her. We spoke for well over an hour. Near the end I offered to represent her pro bono, with her attorney, David McMaster. Barbara welcomed my offer. Henceforth, I have been on her case.
I am a dog person. In ‘Nam I adopted a newborn pup. He was the only survivor from a village we completely destroyed. Why? Because the day before one of our rifle companies was attacked while approaching the village. They suffered 50 casualties while retreating. The following morning I led my rifle platoon into the same village. Now a large area of unrecognizable black, smoldering debris. No traces of the North Vietnamese Army. They fled via a river behind the village. I picked up the pup, brought him over to where I was setting in. Gave him some water and C-rats. The following morning we saddled up and started to move out. The village was surrounded on three sides by flooded rice paddies. I stepped into the first paddy, went several steps when I heard the pup yelping. I turned and saw he was attempting to swim after me. I went back, picked him up, and put him inside the left side of my jungle jacket. Now he was settled against my bare chest and my beating heart. I named him Red Baron. Red was my dog and became the platoon mascot. I even got him a set of dog tags describing him as a marine corporal and a Buddhist.
This letter is based on the following: official court documents, discovery provided by the East Hampton Town Police Department and the Suffolk County District Attorney’s Office, my conversations with Barbara Feldman and her attorney, and my investigation.
On Aug. 28, nine days after the incident in question, Barbara Feldman received a phone call from East Hampton Town Police Officer Daniel Habe. He requested that she come down to the police annex behind Town Hall to discuss an incident re: Aug. 19.
When Barbara Feldman arrived at the police annex at approximately 9 a.m., she was handed a sheet with Miranda warnings. She asked Officer Habe why, and he responded, “It’s standard operating procedure.” He then took a full statement from her about the facts and circumstances relevant to the events of Aug. 19. During this encounter, Officer Habe showed her a video taken at the date and time of the alleged incident. Barbara viewed the video and responded, “It shows I did nothing wrong.” She also told Officer Habe that she had a witness that saw the whole thing and to contact her.
At no time ever did Officer Habe read Barbara the Miranda warnings and inform her that she was being recorded. Right there he arrested her. Without telling her a complaint had already been lodged against her. Then handcuffed her and transported her to the East Hampton Town Police Headquarters for booking.
While there, Barbara was able to make one call to an attorney, Edward Burke. He informed her that he was at the court and would wait for her and represent her. The hours passed while she was being held in a cold, damp cell. Officer Habe refused to give Barbara her heart medicine. And when she asked why it was taking so long to get her over to the court he replied, “So let them wait.”
Finally, around 4 p.m., she was cuffed and taken over to the East Hampton Town Justice Court to be arraigned. As she was being escorted from the police vehicle to the entrance to the court, a photographer, T.E. McMorrow, was there to take her photo, also known as a perp walk. The hour was so late that Eddie Burke had to leave, and she was arraigned and released with the help of a Legal Aid attorney. When she walked outside the court, she discovered her vehicle was missing. A few moments later, a court officer walked over to her and told her that the police had taken the vehicle. Her attorney got it back three days later.
Turns out Officer Habe being the arresting officer was problematic. Barbara had brought a formal complaint against him in 2022 claiming he had failed to properly investigate an incident where she was a victim of egregious road rage.
All of the above occurred because Barbara Feldman is fighting against any changes being made in the Springs dog park and has views that are contrary to the complainant and his witnesses. In sum, Barbara was accused of reckless endangerment in the second degree, a Class A misdemeanor, claiming that she drove recklessly, engaging in conduct which created a substantial risk of serious physical injury. The relevant video, beyond any doubt, shows that Barbara Feldman did nothing wrong.
On Nov. 17, Neil Kraft went to the East Hampton Town Police Department to file a harassment complaint against Barbara Feldman. He spoke with Officer Robert Stone, who declined the harassment complaint and prepared an operation report in lieu of. Officer Stone did call Barbara Feldman and advised her to keep her distance from Neil Kraft. To which she stated she, “has and will continue to do so.”
The video taken at the date and time in question shows beyond any doubt that Barbara Feldman did nothing wrong.
Semper fi,
JOSEPH GIANNINI
Some ‘Integrity’
Amagansett
March 30, 2025
Dear David,
I never wrote the phrase in regard to Maria Dorr as “ex-principal” in my submission for last week. Though perhaps The Star has insider information for future events since no principal line can be found in the budget. After all it has been alleged and rumored for some time Chrissy Sampson would rendezvous with a certain member of the school teaching staff at Amber Waves since rumblings began to emerge in this publication in 2023. This is the same teacher who was texting at dismissal the Thursday of the Maria Dorr decision.
Now for a parent and self-announced member of the Parent Teacher Association to speak out, as Tracey McQuade just did. So much for the P.T.A. credo, “Every child, one voice.”
Ms. McQuade dared to speak of the “integrity” of this school board and Michael Rodgers. Then why were they in violation at their first meeting July 9? When they voted Addie Slater-Davison’s husband back on the audit committee. Who replaced Todd Davison? Isn’t that Tracey McQuade’s husband? No third member of that committee either, another potential violation. Aug. 5 Rodgers announced a new program the school would implement. They were then found to be in violation and needed to correct his “Administrative oversight.”
No one refutes Mr. Rodgers resume has the major discrepancy. Mr. Rodgers claims to have been assistant to the superintendent, a role the school abolished on June 26, 2012, to make way for principal. Mr. Rodgers still claimed to hold the spot 2012-2015. Not on Mr. Rodgers New York State Education Department documents either.
When I spoke in September you may be able to see on video Ms. McQuade run out of the building when I gave a speech. This is when she said the “turmoil” was over. Oh, no. These and many other emerging issues are here. Just like last year, dear David. When you allowed Richard Loeschner to state my information was “completely wrong.” Only difference is when I have the documents like I presented to this publication last year. The personal attacks are on those with the facts.
No one cares Mr. Rodgers is the man involved in the entire Maria Dorr hearing start to finish even gathering witnesses. Some “integrity”; more like we need immediate termination. People like the 10 parents, 10 teachers do not have the decency to state, “in my opinion.” Ms. McQuade’s quote was not based on fact. She doesn’t speak nor has she ever spoken for our family or our factual experiences. Though the school board and Mr. Rodgers can keep trying to fix all the issues haphazardly. Only after when my family points them out. That’s a fact. Like the picture The Star placed this past week; the book above Wayne Gauger “Liars Society” fits well.
Still here,
JOE KARPINSKI
Remain Hopeful
East Hampton
March 19, 2025
David:
As an American citizen, I feel I have two significant jobs: vote in national and local elections and support the people who win and their priorities.
It has always been my pleasure to support our local and national goals. Now I feel my priorities have changed. Now I struggle to remain hopeful and pray that our democratic country will find its way. The activities and actions in Washington today are beyond my personal experience. I sincerely hope that over the course of the next four years we will experience balance and justice again.
Sincerely,
PRUDENCE T.H. CARABINE
Presidency Cheapened
East Hampton
March 31, 2025
To the Editor,
In the face of President Trump’s recent actions and rhetoric, it is imperative that all Americans — regardless of political affiliation — unite now to defend the principles of democracy, morality, and international order that have guided our nation for decades.
Mr. Trump’s repeated falsehoods, reckless policies of duplicity, and authoritarian blandishments are eroding America’s hard-won moral leadership, earned over many decades through the shedding of much blood, and threaten the stability of the entire globe.
The president’s alignment with Russia on Ukraine is particularly alarming. His lies betraying the terrible sacrifices of a nation fighting three catastrophic years for its sovereignty, and, sadly, echoing the propaganda of a tyrant who poisons opponents, murders free speech and wages inexcusable war on his neighbors. Yet he is now leading us into a humiliating political and moral partnership with the criminal Vladimir Putin, while the world glimpses this mortifying new “friendship” in sorrow. How ignoble for all us Americans! We strive to be trustworthy, honorable people. But that is clearly of no concern to Mr. Trump’s ambition. He shames us consistently by acting in our name.
The president’s bombastic proposal to annex Gaza and expel its Palestinian inhabitants violates international law, much less the tenets of common mercy. His embarrassing threats against Panama, Greenland, and Canada reflect an ego reminiscent of a benighted 14th century monarch, not of a leader who understands history’s lessons.
President Trump deports non-criminal immigrant neighbors important to our economic and cultural well-being while freeing hundreds of criminals, some of whom wrought violence on our police. He portrays himself a messiah, here, in his febrile mind, to save our country, and therefore, he concludes, free from our Constitution’s checks and balances. A king, but, in fact, just a hustler who cheapens our presidency with indecent profits from the sale of meme coins, watches, and sneakers, while firing thousands of simple wage-earners without due process. He makes cowards of our legislators. He despises our courts.
In our lifetime, despite many mistakes, the United States has been a beacon of hope for the world, a moral leader championing freedom and justice. Donald Trump sullies that legacy shamelessly. We Americans should not tolerate his portraying us as people willing to sell friends for a piece of silver. This is not a partisan issue — it is a call to action for all who cherish democracy. The stakes are too high to remain silent. We need to rise up in our villages, our cities, our states, and our nation and shout peacefully, but with determination, that we wish to reclaim ourselves as standing for good in the world.
On behalf of the Concerned Neighbors of Long Island,
JOAN CASPI
FRED DOSS
TIM FRAZIER
JOAN OVERLOCK
JUDITH SCHNEIDER
TESS WACHS
NORBERT WEISSBERG
Good Enough
East Hampton
March 31, 2025
I spent many decades selling to the automotive industry, and they are intelligent, resourceful, and very tough. They know that they have to compete. The old days when they could sell a Mustang and have the side-panel rot in a year are long gone. Foreign competition schooled them and they learned.
We Americans are used to buying the cars we want to buy and will not be dictated to by a guy making his money in a blind — to the public — crypto account. We’ll just sit this buying cycle out. The cars we have are plenty good enough to last.
TOM MACKEY
Doubled Down
Montauk
March 31, 2025
Dear David,
The approval rate of the Democratic Party polling is about 27 percent and sinking. On every issue, Democrats sided with leftist movements, rather than the majority of Americans. They supported globalism over nationalism, high-priced green energy over lower gas and electricity prices, and open border and 12 million unaudited illegal aliens over security and legal-only immigration.
They have doubled down on resistance through street theater terror. Democratic senators cut a group attack video, each echoing a potty word. Former vice presidential candidate Tim Walz boasts about kicking the “ass” of Republicans. A-hole is now the standard Democratic word for Elon Musk and the Arizona Senator Mark Kelly. D-k is the preferred Musk slur from Minnesota Senator Tina Smith.
A totally unhinged Representative Maxine Waters shouts that she wants first Lady Melania Trump deported, because she is a naturalized citizen. She has more than once screamed for violence.
Representative Jasmine Crockett boasts that Mr. Musk “must be taken down.” She brags she wants to physically assault Senator Ted Cruz, who has to be knocked over the head, like hard. Ms. Crockett’s team claims she was speaking metaphorically, but she opposes actual violence. Ms. Crockett even mocked wheelchair-bound Texas Governor Greg Abbott, “You all know we got Governor Hot Wheels down there. And the only thing about him is that he is a hot-ass mess, honey.” She continues uttering inflammatory outbursts. Ms. Crockett has outdone Marjorie Taylor Greene, big time.
In God and country,
BEA DERRICO
Needed Words
East Hampton Village
March 30, 2025
Dear David,
Thank you for your earnest, eloquent, and much-needed words regarding the state of our nation. We need your voice — and all of those like you across America — to keep speaking up. Keep reminding our patriots that we cannot sit quietly by allowing this outrage to overtake our democracy.
Thank you. Keep talking.
DIANNE BENSON
Ever-Widening Mess
North Haven
March 30, 2025
Dear David:
Our government agencies with experienced staff are being torn apart and their leaders exchanged for people in those powerful positions who don’t know what they are doing and appear uncomfortable with how they got there.
The recent Pentagon security breach of classified attack plans on Houthi rebels was explained with comic denial and lying cover-ups. Most other new appointees offer cruel and shabby job performance as they continue plans to shut down or disable their own agencies vital to American well-being.
This all looks more and more like the classic imposter syndrome — in reverse! These MAGA presidential advisers and appointees gained Oval Office access, having been put in positions way beyond their actual qualifications, and it seems likely they know that. This is dangerous, as lives are already being lost. Safety and health continues to be compromised. American assets are being squandered.
The National Institutes of Health National Library of Medicine says, “Imposter Syndrome (IS) is a behavioral health phenomenon described as self-doubt of intellect, skills, or accomplishments among high-achieving individuals.”
These POTUS-appointed people demonstrate the reverse situation of the syndrome but really are unqualified imposters! These people are dangerous and critically unqualified, offering weak, irrelevant accomplishments and dubious achievements, desperately trying to act as if they are qualified. These dangerous new leaders are proven liars with destructive agendas and really are imposters!
Pete Hegseth, of course, is the guy with the most-checkered past. He was handed secretary of defense, heading the world’s most powerful military. He is in a dangerous, lethal position as head of the Pentagon. This guy just brought us the worst military security breach in recent history, which he brushes off with lies and nonsense, as he insults our allies. Our president, in trying to appease his base, put him there.
Elon Musk, the electric car and space rocket guy, bought his way into the Oval Office with a quarter-billion-dollar campaign gift, and something called DOGE to carry out “Project 2025.” Our president approved all of this, including Mr. Musk’s promotion of cryptocurrency and his desire to accompany Mr. Trump to inspect the gold at Fort Knox. I feel a currency conspiracy on the horizon. Now this creep is illegally bribing voters in Wisconsin with million-dollar rewards.
Howard Lutnick bought his way with Wall Street power and money and promoted his own cryptocurrency ideas to gain the favor of our venal president. Mr. Trump gave him the nation’s Commerce Department to reshape. He brought like-minded Wall Street crypto believers with him. Howard openly said a depression could be good for us, which might be true if he would be willing to share his 40-acre Southampton summer retreat with us.
Others, too numerous to go into now, are in way over their heads as well. Locally, we have our own hack politician, Nick LaLota, trying to suck up to the White House while pathetically trying to keep up the appearance of serving his constituency. On a good day, Nick might be capable of understanding that in an honest Democracy, his constituency includes all of us here in Suffolk, not just those who voted for him for whatever reasons they may have had.
Clearly Mr. Trump is the elected figurehead and leader of this ever-widening mess. However, his closest advisers, Stephen Miller and Elon Musk, are following “Project 2025” to the T and seem to be pulling the presidential strings without the benefit of being elected.
Who’s actually running this place? There are precious few Republicans willing to speak the truth. Even Marco Rubio seems unable to speak any sense. The House Mouse is just leading the House down a garden path of lies. We don’t have much left. Lee Zeldin is destroying the Environmental Protection Agency, but we do have Mr. LaLota (202-225-3826) representing us in Suffolk. We must push him into reality and get him to have courage to challenge this lame duck president’s dangerous behavior. He could win big with our vote, if he were to actually represent us! Our votes still matter very much at this critical time. Let him know that.
ANTHONY CORON
Turned Belly-Up
Montauk
March 28, 2025
Dear David,
My D.C. gossip source has recently informed me of the following happenings:
Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth recently fell down a flight of stairs after attending an early afternoon luncheon at the Pentagon that resulted in an ankle sprain and horrible headache. Mr. Hegseth claimed that the fall was the result of “having one too many J.D.s and Cokes on the rocks” at the luncheon. Emergency medical respondents gave him an ice pack for his ankle and a Speedy Alka-Seltzer for his headache.
Border Czar Tom Homan was overheard asking advice from Department of Education Secretary Linda McMahon on how to become a guest wrestler for World Wrestling Entertainment. Mr. Homan said he wanted an opportunity to body-slam and pin college kids who had been kidnapped by immigration officers prior to sending them to jail in El Salvador. Ms. McMahon advised Mr. Homan to lose 50 pounds, have extensive facial plastic surgery, and start out by fighting small, college coeds for experience. Mr. Homan replied that he could not wait to get into those tight briefs worn by professional wrestlers.
Marjorie Taylor Greene has been spotted by Dan’s Papers at several local vintage stores looking to purchase XL brown shirts and XL black shirts manufactured by Hugo Boss. It turns out that she is a great fan of the original Hugo Boss, and she claims that the shirts feel great on her slightly tubby torso.
Secretary of State Marco Rubio, who was on a fishing charter out of Sarasota, recently came under fire from the local charter captains’ association for ordering his captain to return to the dock because the captain had wished all anglers good luck in fishing in the Gulf Of Mexico. By the way, the captain refused to refund the payment for the charter to Secretary Rubio. The captain is now being investigated by the Department of Government Efficiency for fraud.
In a truly bizarre dining event at Mar-a-Lago last week, Felon-in-Chief Trump started to bark, howl, and scratch his hair weave at the resort restaurant shortly after dining. Bystanders reported that immediately after finishing dinner, Felon Trump scurried on all fours to a nearby couch, where he turned belly-up. Several diners started to rub his rather rotund tummy and were rewarded with a tongue lick. However, a sympathetic Black Baptist minister reported that Mr. Trump bared his teeth and growled at him. DOGE, led by Mr. Trump’s B.F.F. Elon Musk, immediately launched an investigation.
It turns out that the kitchen had run out of veal that evening, and the chef was forced to skin, grill, and serve the entrails of a rottweiler puppy in his classic veal scaloppini, as he did not want to disappoint Mr. Trump. According to his fellow table diners, Mr. Trump stated during the meal that this was the “best veal scaloppini that I ever tasted. And no one knows veal scaloppini better than I do.” As a result of the investigation, the chef, who had worked for Mr. Trump for 10 years, was actually found to be an undocumented immigrant from Haiti, who was immediately taken by ICE and deported to his country of birth. The latest reporting from Fox is that the deportee was immediately sworn in by a local gang in Port-au Prince and named Chef de Cuisine.
I hope all had a great St. Patrick’s Day Parade. Congratulations to Joe.
Cheers,
BRIAN POPE