Daughter’s Forgiveness on Film
Gayle Kirschenbaum spent a long time figuring out how to forgive her mother for what she has described as a difficult upbringing, throughout which her mother was sharp-tongued, critical, and lacking in empathy and sensitivity.
Ms. Kirschenbaum and her mother, Mildred, have come a long way since then. She describes their mutual journey in her latest documentary, “Look at Us Now, Mother!” The film will be shown at the Sag Harbor Cinema right in time for Mother’s Day this weekend, with 3 p.m. screenings on Saturday and Sunday. The filmmaker will be at the Sunday showing, with a question-and-answer session planned following the film.
She said by telephone that she felt the need to make the film not only for herself but for others. Over the course of her work, Ms. Kirschenbaum, who is also a motivational speaker on the subject of forgiveness, said she found that “it really doesn’t matter how outwardly successful someone is — professionally, financially, with family. If they were hurt by someone when they were young, particularly a parent, it’s affecting them.”
“I knew that I had a funny mother today. She wasn’t funny when I grew up.” But, she said, “she was willing to go on this journey and make this movie with me. I’m an open person, my mother’s a laugh a minute, I saw the need, and I committed to doing it.”
Ms. Kirschenbaum has spent many years behind the camera, producing shows such as “Dwarf Adoption,” “Little Parents, Big Pregnancy,” and “Little Parents: First Baby,” which have aired on networks such as TLC and Discovery Health. In 2004, she ventured onto the stage herself, with the film “A Dog’s Life: A Dogamentary,” exploring the relationship between dogs and people through the story of her own bond with her Shih Tzu. Later came the short film “My Nose,” about her mother’s lengthy campaign to convince her to get a nose job, which received much critical acclaim. “Look at Us Now, Mother!” is the feature length follow-up to “My Nose.”
The mother-daughter relationship began to change a few years ago when Ms. Kirschenbaum was invited to show one of her films at a festival in France. Mildred Kirschenbaum announced she would be accompanying her daughter on the trip.
“A lot of people thought we would come back not talking to each other, but it was a turning point,” the filmmaker said. “I think she saw me in a new light, and we ended up being quite compatible for traveling together. My mother is an adventurous person, and I inherited that from her.”
“Look at Us Now” is a perfect way to celebrate Mother’s Day, she said. She recommended seeing it with your mother if possible, but “it’s really a film for everyone. It’s a human story.”
“The hardest forgiveness to give is someone who is very close to you,” she said. “No matter how good or great your upbringing was, there was some sort of pain along the way. The whole message is, you forgive for yourself. . . . It’s really about love.”