Relay: Cats at the Library

The conversation quickly turned to cats at the East Hampton Library as the winter came to a close.

Spring begins its ascent throughout the neighborhood. The month of March: The sky is fair, the outdoor temperature cool. Inside the library is warmish, as cold people always win! Somebody at the library set the thermostat to the high 60s. Funny: Instead of putting on a giant sweater or running around the block, people who claim to be cold turn up the heat in the Village of East Hampton. Houses, offices, across the board — somebody cold cranks up the heat, baking the people they cohabitate with. 

Rumor has it this has been the case since natural gas was brought in to modernize the semirural village many decades ago. Since then, generally cold, less active people turn up the heat, close all the windows, and spend much of the day explaining that they are cold. 

Cold people could do jumping jacks, stand on their heads to reverse blood flow, or work while riding stationary bikes. Instead cold people turn up the thermostat; the warm people then get stuffy heads from the dry heat and complain about their sinuses. Everybody starts complaining, “I am hot!” or “I am cold!”

Coming to the Village of East Hampton soon is a company called Temperature Control Inc. For $75, Temp Control will make you a custom body-liner that controls the temperature of your body. Of course it will be constructed of recycled organic materials available in 50 colors.

Then people who reside in the Village of East Hampton will keep the thermostat around 62 degrees. Cold people will have warmer liners; hot people will have cooler liners. It is all very simple. No more broiled lobster people and no more cold fish people.

That aside, the conversation at the library turned to cats. The nice lady library employee working the first checkout station at the main entrance of the library was talking to the lady who was checking out books. They spoke about their cats. A man at the second checkout station was talking about his cats to a second nice librarian lady checking out DVD movies for him. The second librarian responded to the man — by discussing her two cats. 

At this point the discussions taking place among the four people encompassed at least six or seven cats. The conversations taking place among library employees and library patrons at the main checkout stations became rather catty — cat-filled!

The second library lady who was checking out materials to the guy told him every detail about her cats. Her cats are all black with definite white markings. Her two cats are almost impossible to tell apart, except that the two cats have different personalities. 

The guy checking out DVDs told the nice lady all about his cats, which are easier to tell apart and have extensive character personality differences. The man told the lady checking out his DVDs what great luck it is when a black cat crosses your path. Apparently that had happened to the guy earlier in the day. Somewhere in the lengthy history of the Village of East Hampton it became as good as shamrocks to have a black cat cross your path in clear sight out in front of you. 

The librarian told the guy who was talking about his cats and the black cat who had crossed his path earlier in the day a funny saying about how “not all the witches and their cats are in the library.” It was a very amusing rhyme that did not really make sense, yet it was fun! 

All said and done, the guy checking out DVDs, the lady checking out books, librarians — all cat owners — concluded their cat conversations. It was 4 p.m. on March 10, a Thursday. The conversation lasted two to three minutes. 

The lengthier version of “Cats at the Library” will be available in September of 2016. The 20-page story will include most of the cats’ names, with far more detailed cat personality facts concerning all cats involved. 

The Village of East Hampton, N.Y., ZIP code 11937, really is an exciting fast-lane “cat place” to be, to live! A “Saturday Day Night Fever,” go-to, see and be seen, disco ball and glitter everywhere kinda place! Cats in the trees, cats in the houses, cats on the roofs, cats in the gardens — a village of cats.

Morgan McGivern is The Star’s staff photographer.