Relay: First-World Problems
If a parking ticket in Southampton Town isn’t a first-world problem, then I don’t know what is.
It all started when I decided I was too lazy to drive UpIsland for a party two Saturdays ago, and opted for the Long Island Rail Road instead of what Google Maps was showing to be an hour-and-36-minute drive. The party was to have a “Back to the Future” theme, and its outcome had me wishing I could travel back in time a couple of hours and tell my lazy self to suck it up and drive. UpIsland, I partied like it was 1985. When I returned about 24 hours later, there it was on the windshield: Written overnight, clear as day, was a $100 ticket for illegally parking in a lot that required a permit.
I started to panic. A hundred bucks is a lot of money for a single, 30-something Long Island girl living east of the Shinnecock Canal. I began listing the things I’d have to sacrifice in order to pay the fine. Ten months of Netflix? Twenty or so trips to Starbucks? Cancel my Ipsy cosmetics subscription? The horror. Maybe I’ll sign up for media access to this week’s gallery openings and theater events. If I can eat a few meals in the press room, at least I’ll save at the grocery store. (Note to my editor: I’m just kidding.)
My next instinct was to get defensive. The Long Island Rail Road website does not list any parking restrictions for the Bridgehampton station parking lot, and anyway, many UpIsland towns and villages allow permit-free parking in train station lots on the weekend. Such an agreement is said to encourage tourism to New York City on Saturdays and Sundays, so I thought it was a safe assumption that Southampton Town, too, accommodates westbound travelers in this way. I was incorrect, but my indignation survived long enough to temporarily inspire thoughts of fighting the parking ticket.
Then I started to get angry at myself. I might have a lazy streak, but mostly I’m an overachiever and a perfectionist to a degree of sickness, so to have this black mark on my record felt really frustrating. Okay, maybe it’s not as much a black mark as it is a little gray smudge, because there won’t be any points recorded against my driver’s license. Still frustrating, though, because this totally could have been avoided.
If I were to tweet this, I’d surely hashtag it “firstworldproblems.” It’s bad enough that Starbucks in East Hampton is closed for renovation right now. What’s next — how to avoid pairing navy blue with black in my O.O.T.D.? Too many costumes to choose from on Halloween? Zumba, yoga, or kickboxing for my Saturday morning workout? To quote from another overused hashtag, the struggle is real.
When perspective finally started to set in, I realized this whole parking ticket situation wasn’t so bad after all. The fine could have been higher, or the car could have been towed. Or worse: There could be no fat to trim in my budget whatsoever, and I’d really have something to worry about. So I opened my checkbook, made out a check, and stuck it in an envelope with the ticket.
Damn, I’m out of stamps, and I’ve got to mail this by today to get it in on time. First-world problems indeed.
Christine Sampson is a reporter for The Star.