Relay: She’s Got To Move

I am still angry, from 3,000 miles away, at an old man whom I do not know and will never meet, but who unnerved my daughter Julia to the point where she went on Facebook to tell the story to her friends and ask for their take. This happened in Portland, Ore., but it could have been anywhere.

Here is what she wrote, along with some of the many comments. I know the comments helped her get over it, and I’m betting that rehashing it in this way will do the same for me.

Elly, by the way, is 5 years old. Jeff is my son-in-law.

Julia: Debating whether to post this, because I’m not sure I really want to know the answer, but curiosity has gotten the better of me. So, we took the twins to a Portland Festival Symphony concert in Grant Park on Saturday. It was a lovely event and a beautiful night, and a very festive atmosphere — hot dogs for sale, tons of kids, free face-painting and amazing music, selections from Bizet and Mozartand Liszt. Elly was pretty transported by the music and was dancing for much of the time — we were up near the front, so she was twirling and leaping and sometimes moving in the little open semicircle in front of the musicians. Other kids were there too but she may have been the most consistent about it.

During the intermission, when kids are invited up to “pet” the instruments and try playing then, an older man approached Jeff and said “Oh, your daughter is so cute, with her dancing. We came here just to watch her dance. No, wait a minute, we didn’t — we came here to hear and see the musicians, and she is being distracting and disrespectful.”

Jeff was furious, and I was very hurt, maybe not least because I wonder whether there was some truth to what he said. Of course, had we been at a symphony concert at the Schnitz or another concert hall, we would have kept her in her seat (and have done this, in fact), but we figured, at an outdoor, child-friendly event in the summertime, it was okay. I don’t know if I have any FB friends who have played in an orchestra, but I am particularly interested in their perspectives on this (gently, though, I hope — I already feel like a bit of a lousy parent over this). Thoughts?

Kim: He’s a jerk. If he wants a conventional, quiet symphony experience, he should pay the money and go see them at the theater. You guys did nothing wrong.

Donna: As someone who has played in an orchestra I am pretty sure seeing a kid dancing to our music would have been the absolute highlight of my music career. Seriously! Orchestra concert audiences are so boring. We notice when you’re sleeping. We notice when you get all dressed up just for a concert in the park. And we also notice when you seem to be really enjoying the music. And outdoor venues are very, very casual, so people should not expect a concert-hall experience. I’m surprised none of the musicians approached you to ask if Elly was taking music lessons.

Jason: In the small hours of the night, that man sobs into his pillow for hours about how lonely and hated he is.

 Ursula: Symphony in the park is all about bringing music that was historically accessible to a privileged few (at least in our country) to the general public. If this grumpy dude was really a music lover he would have relished your daughter’s delight. Shame on him.

Emily: If she was dancing directly on him, sure, but as long as she was dancing in the appropriate spot and not screaming he should be able to close his eyes and get his symphony Zen on.

Jack: Here’s a newsflash for that guy: Buy tickets to the indoor symphony, cheap-ass! I would have been livid. I wish Jeff would have decked him.

Peter: This one is easy: You guys should have told that guy to make his own musical instrument by sticking his thumb where the sun doesn’t shine.

Meg: I bet the musicians were so pleased. I am so sorry your critic didn’t see it that way and that is sad for him.

Julia: I feel moved and reassured by this reaction. The thing is, I want her to hold onto that joyfulness for as long as possible. I also want them to understand that the world doesn’t revolve around them (as my mother used to say to me, back in the day). It seems like a fine line.

Kelly: I must say that he must have had a hefty set of balls to say something like that OR complete rocks for brains. An outdoor free show brings all kinds, even, dare I say, DANCERS! I am curious what Jeff said, if anything, to the toad.

Julia: Kelly, to answer your question, I turned around and saw Jeff basically vibrating with anger while talking to the guy — I sprinted over, because from my vantage point, it just looked like Jeff was being nasty to a harmless looking old man, and I couldn’t imagine why he was being so rude. Before I got there, Jeff apparently told the guy that he was very likely the only person in the crowd who felt that way, and that he was being very passive aggressive. The guy then repeated his objections to me, and I was so flustered, all I could say was “thanks for your feedback. You’re really upsetting me and I’d like you to leave us alone now.”

Cathy: The guy is a big poopy head. Elly, on the other hand, is a wood sprite. Rock on, little sister Elly! (I’m also insulted that he didn’t notice and complain about my kids climbing the tree.)

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Irene Silverman, The Star’s editor-at-large, feels better already.