Relay: Winter Worries

I’m sure many of you have heard the newest catchphrase, “No worries,” which is said by many people these days in what I believe is a totally inappropriate use of the phrase. I’ve had a lot of people say it to me lately, and I think they’re just bragging, because I have plenty of worries, especially now in winter, when it’s so cold out our daily lives are limited by snow and ice and our finances are at an all-time low.

I mentioned to a friend that our stripped-down Christmas tree is still snuggled under the privet hedges in our sideyard, and she said, “No worries.” But when your Christmas tree is still hanging around your yard almost two months after the holiday, I find that cause to worry. What’s next, I think. An old car, a rusted refrigerator, a broken washing machine, a boat trailer — oh, wait, there’s one of those already parked right next to the damn tree that brought us such joy two months ago but now is bothering the hell out of me.

I tell a friend that I’m afraid to walk my dog because of the snow and ice. “No worries; just let him run,” she says. Oh, okay, I’ll let him run, and worry the whole time he’s out there in this frozen tundra that he’ll be hit by a car or snatched by a dognapper to be used as a science project.

I’m coming up on another knee surgery, and the last thing I need is to fall, so I worry that if I do attempt to walk the dog and I fall, I’ll break a leg and my bone will protrude and children will make fun of me and laugh as I drag my twisted bone dangling from my leg back into the house. Worry? You bet I do.

Talking to a friend recently I commiserate that my pants are getting tighter. “No worries,” she says, “you’ll lose it in the spring.” But will I? I worry that it won’t be that easy, especially right after a knee surgery that will limit my ability to exercise.

I recently asked a woman in a doctor’s office parking lot if a particular space was legal to park in. “No worries,” she said. And I thought, oh, not another one. I wondered if she’d hang around and tell the cop who pulls out his ticket pad that she told me it was okay to park there. “But officer,” I’d say, “that lady said not to worry, so I just assumed it was a proper parking spot.” I imagine he’d say, “No worries,” as he proceeded to write out the ticket.

I have to use the restroom, I tell a friend while out on a road trip. “No worries,” she says. No worries for you, maybe, but it’s been hours since I last went, so it’s certainly worrying me, and I need to find a restroom soon or my worry will be all over your car seat.

I first heard the expression “no worries” when my daughter (who is now, much to my dismay, a Hawaii resident) brought home her very agreeable boyfriend for the first time several years ago. No matter what task I asked him to help me with, he would say, “No worries,” and get on with it. Although not Hawaiian, he grew up there, and like most Hawaiians I’ve met, he’s unencumbered by all the baggage we New Yorkers carry around with us. I liked his easy manner, but when I started hearing “No worries” from others, regarding everything from my being slightly late for an appointment to my car being frozen shut, it really started to piss me off. I am worried about many things that I won’t bore you with, but please don’t assume everyone has no worries.

When I mentioned to my husband last week that I’d really like the sideyard cleaned up, he said, “No problem.” Meaning he’ll get to it in a couple of months. When our yard begins to look like one of those backwoods houses off I-95 down south, I see that as a problem. And that really worries me.

Janis Hewitt is a senior writer for The Star.