Seasons by the Sea: Beautiful People With Tomatoes

Beauty is life’s E-ZPass. Wish I could take credit for that witty bon mot, but I believe it was a New Yorker cartoon. I think we would all agree that if you are an exceptionally attractive young girl and you hang out in the right places, like fancy hotels and bars, chances are an older, wealthy gent will whisk you off your feet and possibly marry you. Such was the case with sweet, young Katie Lee from West Virginia when she met Billy Joel, 33 years her senior, at the Peninsula Hotel. At the age of 21 she moved in with him, and they were married for five years. 

And bless her little heart, she succeeded in parlaying this into a food career on television and has published three cookbooks. I am laying out this background as a way of saying it is very unlikely these cookbooks would have been published if it weren’t for the aforementioned attributes and circumstances. I chose her first book, “The Comfort Table,” and her most recent, “Endless Summer Cookbook,” to write about, but then realized, “Hey! Another one of Billy Joel’s exes has written a book with recipes, so let’s include that!” That book would be “Timeless Beauty” by the bangin’, rockin’ 61-year-old Christie Brinkley.

“The Comfort Table” is a simple book, definitely not containing any original recipes or anything you haven’t seen or tasted before. Paula Deen wrote the foreword, which is predictably full of “y’alls.” 

The most riveting advice Katie Lee shares in the “Tips for Entertaining” section is: “A discreetly placed plunger will help avoid any embarrassing situations.” Whoa, Nellie! It has never occurred to me to consider this a necessity when I entertain. But then again, I seldom serve mayonnaise-laden, yellow-mustard-seasoned, garlic-powdered fare.

Both books are filled with photos of Ms. Lee; I lost count at 43 in “The Comfort Table,” and there are at least 30 in “Endless Summer.” Some are glam city shots, some are casual, some are taken at local landmarks. She wears Daisy Duke shorts and is often shown with a mouthful of food, looking away from the camera as if saying, “Oooooh, I’m so naughty. I have a mouthful of sausage . . . and peppers sandwich!” No wonder Bobby Flay says he wants to “hit” that slaw!

Neither of the books’ covers show homemade food. One has Katie with a pedestrian cheese platter, the other with a basket of tomatoes. The food photography is far better in “Endless Summer,” and I wish the grammar had been corrected in a few places: “Don’t be intimidated of the dough!” she exclaims in a pizza recipe.

“The Comfort Table” has recipes for such basics as cornbread, meatloaf, deviled eggs, and cobbler. The cobbler must be good because it is repeated in “Endless Summer.” I am not a fan of yellow mustard or garlic and onion powders in lieu of fresh, or canned biscuit dough, but these are oft-recommended ingredients. The remoulade sauce for fried green tomatoes would have Paul Prudhomme rolling over in his grave.

“Endless Summer Cookbook” contains similarly simple recipes. There are tacos and ribs, potato salad, cinnamon doughnut paninis with Nutella as “Morning Fuel” (good God!), and radishes served with butter. As I said when reviewing Gwyneth Paltrow’s recipe for avocado toast: That’s not a recipe, that’s a sentence.

I tried hard to find a unique recipe or two to test and settled on Ms. Lee’s version of Nick and Toni’s iconic chicken with garlic and pancetta. I also made the bourbon bacon slaw, which is oddly listed in the index under “bacon,” not under “vegetables” or “cabbage.” Uh-uh. The chicken recipe is so flawed that if you were to follow it to the letter, you would serve up a heapin’ helpin’ of salmonella to your guests. The chicken is seared skin side down in one inch of oil then finished in a 400-degree oven for seven minutes, without turning. This resulted in soggy, oily, waaaaaaay undercooked chicken, and it made me sad. The bacon bourbon slaw was very good, but set my New Year’s diet back about four days.

Christie Brinkley’s book “Timeless Beauty” is more of a health, makeup, exercise, and fashion book, but it has recipes, so I thought, “Why not include it here? These gals have a lot more in common than being married to the Piano Man. They both love to surf, and they both love the American Hotel!” 

Ms. Brinkley’s book is full of CAPITAL letters and exclamation points!!!!! It is also full of self-promotional bits, extolling the virtues of her line of Christie Brinkley beauty products, her line of hair extensions, Total Gym, and more. 

Ms. Brinkley is a lacto-ovo-pescatarian-vegetarian and has been for a long time, so her recipes and advice are a bit more palatable. I’m not sure avocados prevent muffin tops or dried cherries reduce belly fat, but her recipes for vegetarian tacos with chipotle sauce and quinoa pico de gallo salad sound virtuous and delicious. 

Her politics and positivity shine through on every page. She is known to be an active environmentalist and animal rights advocate. I just wanna know who does her hair, and she shares that info, too!!!!!

Do I feel bad slamming the Katie Lee (Joel) books? Well, kinda, yeah. We all have to live in this community, and I did see her recently at a local restaurant. She is stunningly beautiful, exceptionally polite, and she works hard at her career. But would I recommend these books? Maybe your son or your dad would like them for the pictures. As for Ms. Brinkley’s, it’s a keeper, cuz I’m 61 years old, too, and a girl can DREAM, can’t she?!

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