Seasons by the Sea: Food to Soothe Booze Blues
I like to drink, but I don’t like to get drunk. If I’m going to drink with alacrity I do it at home or within walking distance of home. Do I even need to say you people should drink responsibly? Call a cab if you’ve had one too many out on the town, or have a designated driver. Our roads are dangerous enough, what with all the dumb deer and city folk in Escalades.
Now that we’ve gotten that public service announcement out of the way, let’s talk about late-night drunkie food. This is the food you crave in the wee hours after a long, fun evening of lager and shouting. I spoke with one of East Hampton town’s finest, who informed me that bars out here can stay open until 4 a.m. He also suggested I consult the New York State Liquor Authority to find out the specific closing times of particular bars.
When I attempted to do this, I got so overwhelmed by the website’s morass of government twaddle I gave up. And had a drink. Kidding! If you’re interested in finding out how late your favorite drinking hole stays open, contact it directly.
Montauk, which used to be referred to as “a drinking town with a fishing problem,” has plenty of options for your late-night fat and salt cravings. South Edison offers Disco Fries, smothered in braised short ribs, cotija cheese, rich brown gravy, and herbs. The Borracho, (which means “drunk” in Spanish) is chicken tinga with salsa verde, cotija, jalapeños, crema, and cilantro. And who doesn’t love a big bowl of truffle fries at 1 a.m.?
You can also always get a slice at Pizza Village, which is open until . . . closing. If you’re going to hold out until breakfast time, Westlake Fish House starts serving a very reasonably priced breakfast at 5 a.m.
For people who live in the city, finding food or transportation at any time of the day is not difficult. You can get Szechuan pork dumplings delivered to your door. You can find matcha green tea doughnuts at any Doughnut Plant location, and pizza 24/7. Out here, there are very few delivery choices. So unless you’re willing to punish your stomach and hate yourself in the morning (oh, wait, it already is morning) by going to 7-Eleven for a nasty hot dog or “custard” filled doughnut, you have very few options.
The solution? Make your own late-night drunkie food by mastering some satisfying, squiffy dishes. Your bleary-eyed, rum-soaked pals will thank you.
Why do our bodies crave these fatty, salty, not-so-healthy foods when we are inebriated? Fat is the most energy-dense food, and as mammals, we gravitate towards that. But when we’re sober we are, hopefully, more disciplined about our eating habits. We also have a brain chemical called galanin, which increases our appetite for fats. Drinking alcohol bumps up our galanin production, which is stimulated by triglycerides (converted calories stored in fat cells), which are released by fat and alcohol. In other words, it’s kind of a vicious circle. And that is why you crave a big ol’ breakfast of pancakes and bacon instead of a salad after a long night of drinking, according to Popular Science magazine.
Most cultures have some version of late-night drunkie food. In Singapore you can find chicken rice at all hours of the day, but you’ll find most people slurping this up at 3 a.m. It is chicken poached with ginger and other spices, hacked up and served with rice that has been boiled with chicken fat. In Canada, most specifically Quebec, poutine is considered the national dish. It is a pretty gross combination of French fries topped with cheese curds and gravy. Cheese curds are the result of milk being pasteurized, then cooked, then separated from the whey. When fresh, cheese curds squeak when chewed, or sound like “balloons trying to neck,” as The New York Times described them.
When my son attended McGill University in Montreal, we sampled all manner of poutine, from the underground subway food courts to the high-end Martin Picard’s Au Pied du Cochon version, topped with foie gras. Oof.
In Japan, where good manners are revered and restraint is required, there is no social stigma about getting rip-roaring drunk and throwing up in public. They even have binge drinking bars called nomihodai, where for a set fee and certain time frame, you can drink all you want. After this, you go out and gorge on okonomiyaki, a kind of kitchen-sink pancake. (Okonomi means “whatever you want.”) They actually eat these with miniature trowels or spatulas, which somehow seems appropriate.
I have fallen in love with this essentially cabbage pancake with pickled ginger and scallions and like to make it in advance of late-night shenanigans. All I have to do is heat it up and serve it to my banjaxed and befuggered buddies.
A friend who just moved from Sag Harbor to Berlin says the Germans have become obsessed with “the hamburger movement.” Yes, apparently, they’ve just discovered hamburgers. The bars don’t close until the last patron is gone, so the tourist guidebooks offer the gentle reminder “don’t forget to leave because they won’t kick you out.”
Once you are done with your bier consumption, you can go get currywurst, a white, fat sausage, sliced, fried, served with French fries, and topped with chopped red onion, mayonnaise, homemade ketchup, and a dusting of curry powder. How do they come up with some of these things???
When I was a young lass I spent plenty of time at the Stephen Talkhouse. It had a great jukebox filled with Motown hits. We’d stay until closing and then go to Astro’s for a slice of pizza that cost 55 cents. (We couldn’t go to Smuggler’s Cove, because I had waitressed there and I was a really bad waitress.)
My friends and I are lucky we survived so many long, late, tequila-shot-infused evenings. Summer is upon us, along with the crowds and the parties and traffic. So before you reach for that “source of happiness and oblivion,” please remember to drink responsibly, take a cab or have a designated driver, and master a few of these late-night drunkie tummy blotters.
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