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Seasons by the Sea: Root for the Food

Buffalo cauliflower with a tangy scallion cream sauce is a tasty alternative to chicken wings.
Buffalo cauliflower with a tangy scallion cream sauce is a tasty alternative to chicken wings.
Laura Donnelly
I’m just there for the brews and chews
By
Laura Donnelly

I love Super Bowl parties! The Super Bowl is a day of lager and shouting, gorging and gambling. There are Vegas-worthy halftime shows, and it’s an excuse to eat tiny, deep fried bird-meat parts swathed in muy picoso sauce and celery splinters sidecar-ed with blue cheese dip. I dust off my block of Velveeta cheese (Have you ever noticed it doesn’t require refrigeration?!) and make chile con queso dip.

I’m trying to get excited over Super Bowl 50, but don’t much care about either team. If my Washington Redskins aren’t in it, preferably against the despicable Dallas Cowboys, well, I’m just there for the brews and chews. I think I’ll root for the Carolina Panthers because the Carolinas have better food. 

I went to Charleston a few years ago and enjoyed four days of chicken and waffles, shrimp and grits, eight-layer coconut cake, pimento cheese doodads, oysters galore, hummingbird cake, buttermilk pie, fried green tomatoes, and Carolina gold rice. Charleston is like New Orleans without the dirt and jazz and public drinking; in other words, New Orleans is just a wee bit more fun. But I digress.

If you’re rooting for the Panthers, you could have some Carolina-themed food, like mini chicken and waffles made with Eggos, barbecue pork sliders, banana pudding, and some of their boutique beers like Hop, Drop, ’n’ Roll or Pernicious I.P.A. 

About the only food that Denver is known for is an omelette with onions, peppers, and ham, and a delicacy known as Rocky Mountain oysters, a.k.a. huevos del toro, calf fries, or Montana tendergroins. These would be pig, sheep, or cow testicles. I have had these when living in Texas, and they’re not bad. If you are a Broncos fan and are inclined to serve them, here’s what you do: Find some balls and peel off the membrane. Slice them in front of your boyfriend or husband (bwah-ha-ha-ha!), dredge them in seasoned flour, deep fry, and serve with cocktail sauce, although I think a piquant smoked paprika aioli might just take them to the next level. They also like green chile stews in Colorado, but that’s more of a New Mexico specialty, so I will be serving some authentic green chile cream-cheese-filled tortilla pinwheels.

I really don’t know much about football, so I watched that nifty movie “Brian’s Song,” thinking I might learn something. Here’s what I learned from this film that is mercifully only one hour and 15 minutes long. Billy Dee Williams and James Caan don’t seem to be wearing any Hollywood makeup because they’re shiny and sweaty throughout the whole movie. Also James Caan is super tan even though they are playing for the Chicago Bears. It’s set in 1965 but was made in 1971; they wear tight white pants off the field and play on real grass! And all the players look like big, healthy, beefy men, not the HGH-steroid-loaded goons of today. 

It is a sad movie and will bring tears to your eyes faster than one of those $5 million, 30-second ads for Budweiser beer, full of gentle Clydesdales and fluffy golden retriever puppies. But I digress again. . . .

My goal (tee hee) for this Sunday is to serve some Super Bowl-esque food that is healthier, like buffalo style cauliflower bites served with a tangy cashew nut cream dip full of scallions. Maybe some mini Denver omelette-style frittatas made with Iacono Farm eggs, and a spicy low fat ginger cake. Some Montauk ale and Sag Harbor rum cocktails will make the halftime show more exciting.

Speaking of which, Coldplay and Beyonce will be performing. What kind of food do they like? Apparently, Chris Martin doesn’t subscribe to his consciously uncoupled ex’s uber-healthy eating habits. He fasts one day a week (Mondays), but confesses that the next day he tends to gorge on sweets, Nutella pancakes to be specific. 

Beyonce likes soul food and fast food and seafood but generally sticks to a healthy diet. Sunday is her cheat day, so maybe along with millions of other Americans this Sunday, she will indulge in some chicken wings — 1.25 million will be consumed according to the National Chicken Council, plus 48 million takeout pizzas, 80 million avocados for guacamole, and 325 million gallons of beer. Did you know that 26 percent of people believe that God determines the outcome of a game? This tidbit courtesy of the Public Religion Research Institute. Beyonce also keeps a picture of an Oscar above her treadmill to inspire her. We have so much in common; I do, too! But my Oscar is a Meyer, as in wiener. 

Pigs in blankets are another popular, easy to serve finger food for the Super Bowl.

A lot of people are rooting for Peyton Manning, because at the creaky, old age of 39, this could be his last rodeo, I mean Super Bowl. But Tre Boston, safety for the Panthers, gave some convoluted pizza analogy about why they just don’t care about Mr. Manning’s swan song. “So if a man has the last piece of pizza in the world, are you going to take that last piece? One of y’all got to live! One of us has to win, and I’m not trying to lose. It’s you and that one man. You gonna live or not? I’m trying to win. I don’t care who you are.” Tre Boston has a nifty hairdo, but I don’t see him ending up on a Wheaties cereal box with that attitude and lack of respect for his elders. But I digress. . . . 

Here are some semi-healthy recipes for your Super Bowl party this weekend.

Click for recipes

 

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