Stephen Grossman “was a mensch, a good man in every way,” his family recalled this week. “His love was in his daily actions”: from multiple trips to the grocery store to find the perfect melon for his wife, Laura Anker, “to the smiles he spread at the bagel shop and the bank, and his willingness to use his understanding of the law to help anyone in need.”
Mr. Grossman, a lawyer whose firm had an office in Sag Harbor for decades, died on Jan. 14 at NYU Langone hospital in Manhattan of complications of lung cancer. He was 83.
Described by his family as a “devoted husband, father, grandfather, and distinguished attorney,” Mr. Grossman was “admired and well liked by colleagues as well as adversaries, and beloved by his friends, community, and most of all by his family.”
In Sag Harbor, where his firm, Stephen A. Grossman & Associates, had an office on Main Street until his retirement in 2019, he was fondly referred to as the “Mayor of Sag Harbor,” his family said. “In his signature hat and bow tie, Stephen could not walk 10 feet down Main Street without delivering paperwork to a client, or stopping into a local shop to buy his wife a gift.” He seemed to know everyone here on the South Fork, “from the cooks and busboys at the Palm restaurant to cashiers and the lunch crowd at Provisions.”
Mr. Grossman was born on May 7, 1941, to Charles Grossman and the former Rose Mintz. He grew up in the Five Towns area of Long Island, developing the keen sense of justice and a passion for public service that would shape his career and his life.
After graduating from Colgate University in 1962 with a B.A. and then earning his J.D. from New York University School of Law in 1965, his career took him to Minnesota for many years, to China briefly, and then back home to New York.
Driven by what his family characterized as “a lifelong commitment to law and advocacy,” Mr. Grossman “was the real deal as a lawyer,” said Peter Parcher of Amagansett, a close friend and longtime colleague. “He was a lawyer’s lawyer. When we were public defenders we cared about justice; Steve never changed. It was a natural thing for him, it was who he was as a person.”
Mr. Grossman had served on the East Hampton and Southampton Town Democratic Committees and at one time on the board of the Bridgehampton Child Care and Recreational Center. He ran unsuccessfully for East Hampton Town justice and was a vocal advocate for both his clients and the causes he believed in.
Mr. Grossman was a bachelor well into his 40s when he met Ms. Anker at a party at Mecox Beach in 1984. Two years later, on June 22, 1986, the two were married and Mr. Grossman became a stepfather to three children ranging from “just out of diapers to full-blown teenager,” his family said. He met the challenge and “embraced his new family with joy and all of his love. Overnight, Stephen transformed himself from unencumbered bachelor to proud parent and husband.”
With his wife commuting two hours each way to work in Old Westbury nearly every day, he “embraced the daily rigors and joys of school drop-off and pickup, after-school sports, and extracurriculars, homework, detention, and dinner for five.”
When his stepdaughter Rebecca was expecting his first grandchild, Mr. Grossman “zealously assisted” in her Lamaze and child-rearing classes. “He enthusiastically read the parenting books and educated himself in a myriad of childcare techniques and philosophies.” And was in the delivery room for the birth of Rebecca’s son, Mizel.
Mr. Grossman enjoyed the beach, the opera, and the Hampton Classic Horse Show. “He loved guys night out, smoking cigars, a good Old Fashioned, and his dinner club,” his family wrote. He shared a love of sports with Rebecca, his stepson, Joshua, and his grandchildren. “As much as he loved Laura, he had no problem telling her that his Red Sox were mightier than her Mets,” his family said.
That difference aside, “He was the only person who could convince” his wife to get on a plane, taking her first to St. Martin and then Jamaica, New Orleans, and many other places.
“Stephen never had trouble speaking truth to power and standing up for what he believed in even when it was to his personal detriment,” his family said. “He is remembered for his unwavering commitment to justice, his caring and generous nature, and his ability to make a lasting impact on everyone he met.” Here on the East End, he “stood beside many clients who needed a helping hand, even when others would not. He was a man who loved deeply, worked tirelessly, and left an indelible mark on the lives of his family, colleagues, and community.”
Mr. Grossman and his wife moved to Stone Ridge, N.Y., in the Hudson Valley in 2020. She survives, as do his stepchildren, Shanna Schwartz and her husband, Robert Angert, of Manhattan, Rebecca Schwartz of Sag Harbor, and Joshua Even and his wife, Katie Even, of Brooklyn. He also leaves five grandchildren, Judah and Levi Angert, Mizel Faison, Walter Even, and Johanna Even.
A service was held on Sunday at the George J. Moylan Funeral Home in Rosendale, N.Y. The family will have a gathering on the South Fork at a later date.
