As I hungrily turn on the Bengals-Commanders “Monday Night Football” game, which the powers that be deigned to stream on second-tier ESPN+, for all of us nickel-and-dimers and cable-cutters out here, it’s time to ask ourselves: Americans, what, at last, is behind the draw of televised football? Comfort in sameness? Bloodlust sated by simulated warfare? The reward of unexpected if inconsequential outcomes within clearly defined boundaries?
Whatever, the man’s too big, the man’s too strong.
If sportswise the N.F.L. has cornered both loyalty formation and small-screen suitability, the primary drawbacks remain — the gruesome concussions (see: Tua Tagovailoa of the Dolphins in week two, yet again) and the proliferation of outcome-altering and action-undercutting penalties (see: uh, pick a game).
About Monday night, it should be said that there were only four thrown flags as of early in the fourth quarter. Unheard of. It was almost as if word had at last come down from the commissioner’s office: Let ’em play.
Although I would like to throw my own flag for excessive religiosity on Washington’s QB, Jayden Daniels, for his “glory to God” postgame comments — ditto Houston’s C.J. (“my Lord and Savior”) Stroud the week before, among one too many of the sweaty, helmetless interviewees. God is intimately involved in our lives, I understand the reassurance. But, footballers, read the room? Middle East bombs, the Ukraine meat grinder . . .
To its credit, the N.F.L. will at times attempt to address its weaknesses, as with this season’s new kickoff rule taking on what had become either a pointless ceremony or pointlessly injury-inducing. It seems no one can succinctly explain the rule, with its “landing zone” and other complexities, and it’s worth wondering why the league didn’t simply eliminate kickoffs altogether. Just start the action on the 30-yard line.
That, and get rid of the no-touch downfield pass-interference nonsense. Now you’ve got a game. And I’ve got my escapism.