There are times when a gardener on the South Fork feels like King Canute, who, believing in his own omnipotence, parked his throne on the beach at low tide and forbade the tide to come in.

You plant roses; the deer eat the buds, caterpillars eat the leaves, and voles eat the entire root system. Earwigs get your pansies, slugs get your morning glories, moles destroy the lawn.

Your clematis wilts, your lavender goes patchy, and your lettuce bolts, but you could win a gold medal for your Japanese beetles, bittersweet, and blossom-end rot.

Virginia Wylie, who has a large woodland garden high on a hill in the Devon area of Amagansett, has all the usual garden problems plus six Labradors - four of her own and two belonging to the garden's designer and caretaker, George Biercuk - so planning the garden is like a battle campaign.

Dog-Resistant

As to the deer, after many years of rear-guard action Mrs. Wylie finally brought out the heavy artillery - she built a deer fence. This year there are shrubs flowering that haven't done so for years, including some azaleas whose colors came as quite a surprise.

The garden is crisscrossed by paths, graveled walks, and a double driveway, which add interest for humans and encourage the dogs to take the line of least resistance and keep off the lawns and flower beds. In the woods, the paths wind and meander and the plantings are arranged so that there are tantalizing glimpses of what lies ahead, but not a clear view.

Loaves And Fishes

The west end of the garden is filled with great banks of rhododendrons and azaleas. Their planting is an ongoing process of salvage, division, and transplantation, a kind of loaves and fishes process that is applied to the whole place - no new plants have to be bought, but it must be a lot of hard work.

Here, at the end of May, rare, protected pink ladyslipper orchids were flowering under the trees.

Mrs. Wylie is a painter, and as she works on her impressionistic floral canvases in the indoor pool area, she looks out onto a raised bed of daphnes and dwarf conifers designed to reflect, on a smaller scale, the large stand of pines and woodland shrubs behind.

Pine Copse

In the heat of the summer, these pines are a cool oasis. A shade garden has been planted here in the last two years and along the winding paths are ornamental grasses, hostas, ferns, columbines, hellebores, and the feathery pinkish white flowers of Tiarella polyphylla, which have spread to form a charming groundcover.

Returning from the pine copse by a path that leads past clumps of May apple and an interesting mahonia, or grape holly, which bears an edible fruit, you find an ornamental pool bordered by smooth rocks and river stones. In late spring it was surrounded by carpets of alchemilla (lady's mantle) and signs of iris and water lilies still to come.

From here there is a view across to two of the garden's outstanding features, one formed entirely by design, the other by nature with just a little nudge.

Rose Garden

The rose garden is pre-deer fence. It is completely enclosed by an ornate trellis painted cobalt green, the traditional color of Long Island Gold Coast estate gardens.

The grass walk which runs through this haven of healthy, flourishing roses is bordered by a long line of giant green gumballs of box, forming a delightful small enclosure.

"I'm going against hybrid teas," said Mrs. Wylie. "Shrub roses and old-fashioned roses are much easier."

Three very old apple trees, which have been flat-topped, make up the second feature, on a small patch of sloping lawn. That's it. But there's something about them that is quite magical, like a little patch of 18th-century Kent.

Moving on to the eastern part of the garden, past a broad lawn bordered by nice clumps of goldthread cypress, dwarf ilex, sheep laurel, and other shrubs, you come to another woodland area.

Here, the groundcovers are wild ginger, trillium, pink creeping phlox, ajuga, and the delicate eight-lobed leaves and little white flowers of sweet woodruff. A path leads through a small grove of euonymus carpeted with bluebells and white bleeding heart.

Emerging into the sunlight again, the grassy walk brings the visitor up against the garden's impressive eastern border - a massive rambling hedge of New Dawn roses, first planted in the 1930s.

This garden concentrates on hardy plants and those that thrive locally, like New Dawn. Rather than battle against the destructive forces arrayed against it, it sidesteps them where possible with sensible choices, wise gardening, and careful husbandry.

Those interested in visiting the Wylie garden will find it on the Animal Rescue Fund garden tour on June 14.

Faced with a steady stream of residents who opposed it, the Sag Harbor Village Board on Tuesday voted to table a proposed ban on retail food stores' selling food and drinks to be consumed on site. Board members agreed to put the vote off until the Chamber of Commerce could suggest alternatives.

Had the proposed change gone through, stores such as Java Nation, which sells coffee and pastries along with roasted coffee beans and appliances, would have been forced to stop serving. Espresso, an Italian market, would have been forced to remove its tables and chairs. Sylvester and Co., a household goods and food store, voluntarily removed its tables and chairs recently.

"It's a quality-of-life and sense-of-place issue," said Michael King, a candidate for Village Board. Pedestrians use the opportunity for a "sit and sip" or a "chat and snack," he said.

Leveling The Field

"What is served and how it is served - that's what we're wrestling with," responded Mayor Pierce Hance. "Where would you draw the line?"

Mr. King said the question was a "difficult issue that has to be solved cooperatively" by soliciting the views of the public and the business community.

Vincent (Jim) Ramunno, a board member, said the proposed law was an effort to level a playing field where restaurants are required to provide one parking space for every three tables or pay a $3,000 fee, while food stores are not."We're not trying to put them out of business," he said. "We're trying to make them conform."

But others said they doubted the coffee and pastry sales were having much of an impact on restaurants or the village's tight parking.

Drawing The Line

"I would like to sit and have a cup of coffee," said Lois Carrion, who added she wanted to speak on behalf of the disabled. "I'm going to come to town anyway and I'm going to park my car."

"You should draw a line when people start to object to it," said Christine Hagen. Her husband, Anthony Hagen, said "casualness is what makes it nice to go down to Main Street" and added that he doubted the coffee business would have much impact on restaurants.

Coffee sales are a small part of Java Nation's business, said an owner, Andres Bedini. "Once in a while you find someone reading the paper and having a cup of coffee. I don't think it has much impact on parking." He suggested the village differentiate between stores like his, which is governed by the State Agriculture and Markets law, and Espresso, which must meet Suffolk County Health Department standards for on-site food preparation.

Coffee Bar License?

His wife, Cheryl Bedini, said the store does not encourage people to stay, but provides the tables as a convenience for customers. The village should draw the line at stores that are "enticing people to sit down" for a meal, she said.

Steve Hadley urged the village to create a coffee-bar license to permit continued use, and Katherine Holabird suggested that the difference between establishments would be easy to see. "A restaurant has a chef and a kitchen. A coffee bar does not," she said.

The board agreed that it would try to reach a compromise that "would please 99 percent of the people," as Lillian Vishno, a board member, put it. Nada Barry, a representative of the Sag Harbor Chamber of Commerce, agreed to bring the matter before the group for discussion.

Steinbeck Bulkhead

In other matters, the board over the objections of Mr. Hance approved the construction of a 130-foot timber bulkhead at the Bluff Point Lane residence of Elaine Steinbeck. The board stipulated that the structure must be made from untreated wood or other approved materials.

"I think this was a quick rush to judgment," Mr. Hance told Diane Laverriere of En Consultants, who represented Mrs. Steinbeck. "I don't think enough time and effort has been given to alternative methods."

Mr. Hance said the property lies in a conservation area, created by the village's waterfront revitalization plan, where bulkheads are not recommended unless a house is in imminent danger of collapse.

Havens Beach Carnival

But Ms. Laverriere said the plan had been approved by the State Department of Environmental Conservation, the Southampton Town Trustees, and the village's own Planning Board. The D.E.C. had ruled against a rock pile and also said the slope of the bank was too steep for natural plantings, she said.

The Village Board also approved the request of the Sag Harbor Fire Department to use Havens Beach for a fund-raising carnival from Aug. 13 to Aug. 17 from 6 to 11 p.m.. Earlier, the department was given permission to use the former Cilli Farm on Long Island Avenue, but that plan was jeopardized when the carnival owner inspected the low-lying site earlier this spring and determined it would be too wet in the event of rain.

This week's development in the ongoing dispute between the Georgica Close Road, East Hampton, neighbors Martha Stewart and Harry Macklowe centers not on Ms. Stewart but on alleged violations of the Village Code by Mr. Macklowe.

Ms. Stewart was alleged last week to have backed up a vehicle she was driving on May 21 into a landscaper working for her neighbor, although charges have not been filed.

This week, Mr. Macklowe is being accused of placing the fence that prompted the driving incident and plantings along the border of their multimillion-dollar Georgica Pond properties without a permit.

According to Thomas Lawrence, the village's code enforcement officer, citations will be served "as soon as possible." He added that additional citations might follow.

Evidence Seen

The incident, for which Ms. Stewart faces several possible misdemeanor charges, is said to have occurred after she discovered the fence and exchanged words with the landscaper. Reportedly, the fence was erected during the previous night.

Working after dark, particularly just before the Memorial Day weekend, was "not uncommon," said Mr. Lawrence, but "it's at best suspect."

Mr. Lawrence also said evidence of sawdust and foot traffic on Ms. Stewart's side of the fence led him to believe some construction activity had occurred on her property. He said it would have been a "physical impossibility" to have built it without going on Ms. Stewart's property.

In D.A. Hands

Ms. Stewart, a house and garden authority with a magazine that bears her name, is a nationally known celebrity. Mr. Macklowe is a top player in Manhattan real estate and is a benefactor of charitable causes.

The landscaper, Matthew J. Munnich, is an employee of Whitmore's nursery in Amagansett. The complaint he filed last week with village police alleging that Ms. Stewart's vehicle pinned him against the control box of a gate in her neighbor's driveway was reported to be enough for charges of a "reckless" rather than "intentional" nature to be filed.

However, the complaint has been in the hands of the Suffolk District Attorney's office for about a week.

District Attorney James M. Catterson Jr. said this week he had assigned his chief investigator, Robert Plansker, to review the information gathered by the Village Police Department and perhaps reinterview parties involved in or witness to the May 21 incident.

Called Unusual

"They advised me they want to reinvestigate . . . and speak with my investigators, just to go over some of the evidence," Village Police Chief Glen Stonemetz said Tuesday. From there, he said, the District Attorney would decide whether to go ahead with the charges. Such a decision is not expected for another week or maybe more.

The chief said he thought such intensive review was unusual. "In a case of this magnitude, I'd say it's unusual. . . . If this were a homicide . . . something of a very serious nature, I'd expect them to do that." But, the chief added, "It seems we're dotting our 'i's' and crossing our 't's' very extensively."

Mr. Catterson, however, said he didn't think his office's review was out of the ordinary. "Given all the notoriety surrounding" the parties, Mr. Catterson said Tuesday, the case is "worth a longer look-see to be fair."

"Why rush to judgment and cause a spectacle? . . . Time in this system is not as critical as being right," he said.

Trying To Be Fair

Mr. Catterson met Monday with the complainant, Mr. Munnich, and his Hauppauge attorney, Edward L. Wolf, Mr. Wolf told The Star. According to Mr. Wolf, the purpose of the meeting was "to meet Matthew and his family" and "to hear his recitation of what occurred."

Mr. Wolf said he would not comment further until the investigation was complete, but he indicated that there was the potential for a civil suit by his client as well.

Neither Mr. Catterson nor Drew Biondo, his spokesman, would confirm reports that a meeting with Ms. Stewart and the Connecticut attorney she has hired for the case, Jeffrey Stephens, also was in the works. Mr. Catterson did say that he was "more than willing to talk to everybody involved."

"I want to be fair to all parties," he said.

New Fence

Meanwhile, village officials inspected the properties in the last week or so and have taken numerous photographs.

Much of the new gray-stained wooden fence appears to be where an old fence was torn down at least six months ago, the code enforcement officer, Mr. Lawrence, said.

The new fence is longer, however, by approximately 100 feet on the end closest to the pond and its associated wetlands, said Mr. Lawrence. He estimated it ended about 25 feet from the water's edge.

On Tuesday afternoon he said he was preparing paperwork that accuses Mr. Macklowe of three Village Code violations. They will be that the fence in question was built without a wetlands permit or variances, and is about 7.6 feet high, exceeding the village's six-foot limit, and that a number of "shrubs and low plantings" were planted without a necessary wetlands permit.

Requirements

The Village Code requires a 150-foot setback from wetlands and a permit for structures, including fences. A 125-foot setback, plus a permit, is required for landscaping.

Plantings, plus lighting fixtures and their associated wiring, brought Ms. Stewart and Mr. Macklowe head-to-head to begin with more than a year and a half ago. The two have been battling since.

Three alleged Village Code violations by Mr. Macklowe stemming from the original plantings and lighting have been pending in East Hampton Town Justice Court for about a year. A trial on those charges, which are technically against Mr. Macklowe's corporation KAM Hampton I Realty Corp., is scheduled for July 8. The three additional violation charges which are expected to be levied would also be against the corporation.

Mr. Macklowe, his attorney, Michael Walsh of Water Mill, and the owner of Whitmore's, Jack Whitmore, have not returned calls.

Notoriety

The case has attracted a great deal of media attention, not just from the metropolitan press, but from entertainment centered television shows from New York and California.

Village police were called to Mr. Macklowe's house twice last week, on May 27 and again on Friday, because television camera crews were walking on the property. By the time police arrived, they had left.

A "Relay" column on the media attention, written by a number of Star staff members, appears in the second section of today's paper.

There has been at least one hit-and-run incident, and possibly two, in East Hampton Town in the past two weeks, both involving serious injuries to bicyclists. One resulted in the arrest of a motorist; the other is still under investigation.

In Southampton Town, meanwhile, a motorist died of injuries sustained in an accident. That story is covered elsewhere in this issue.

East Hampton Town police on May 28 arrested an East Hampton woman in connection with the first hit-and-run incident, which occurred five days earlier. A 70-year-old East Hampton man had been riding his bike along Buckskill Road around 7:45 p.m. when he was struck and knocked onto the street by a car traveling the same way.

Charles Kinsolving suffered serious head injuries and spent the next four days at Southampton Hospital. The driver took off without stopping.

Detective Work

Mr. Kinsolving could not describe the car that hit him, but police found significant evidence at the scene, including a side-view mirror. The Buzz Chew dealership was able to identify it as coming from a 1997 Oldsmobile Achiva.

Detectives visited the area's auto-body shops and rental-car agencies in the next several days, distributing fliers about the accident and asking employees to be on the lookout for a car matching the description..

They soon received a call from Enterprise Rent-A-Car in Southampton, informing them a woman had recently rented the same make and model. The agency provided her name.

Detectives visited Cook/Pony Farm Realty, where the woman works. After executing a search warrant on the car and allegedly matching the mirror to it, police arrested Anne Tregellas, 62, of Huckleberry Lane, East Hampton.

She was charged with a felony count of leaving the scene of an accident and released on her own recognizance to appear in court July 17.

Memory Loss

The second incident has not been positively classified as a hit-and-run, although police believe a motorist may have been involved.

The bicyclist in that case was a 25-year-old East Hampton man, who was badly injured on Hand's Creek Road around 7 p.m. on May 28.

Jonathan Rudnick told police he could not remember what happened. He lost teeth and sustained other injuries in the accident, according to the case report, and spent two days at Southampton Hospital.

Police are investigating, but noted they were "unable to ascertain events surrounding [Mr. Rudnick's] injuries" at the time of the report, "due to memory loss."

Two More Bikes

Two other bicyclists were hit by cars this week, and both sustained minor injuries. The two accidents occurred last Thursday, within 10 minutes of each other.

The scene of the first was the Abraham's Path-Town Lane intersection in Amagansett, around 4:20 p.m. Thomas Devries of East Hampton told police he had stopped his car at the stop sign, headed north on Abraham's Path, before proceeding through the intersection. He did not see William Kiriazis approaching on his bicycle, he said.

The car and the bike collided at a right angle. Mr. Kiriazis, 53, was taken to Southampton Hospital complaining of back pain. He was released after treatment.

Ten minutes later, at the intersection of School Street and Springs-Fireplace Road in Springs, a 24-year-old cyclist, Josh Leeger of Springs, was knocked off his bike in a collision with a car driven by an 18-year-old, William Beltran of Springs.

The teen told police he was stopped at the stop sign, but that his foot slipped from the brake and he rolled into the path of the bicyclist. Mr. Leeger, complaining of neck pain, was treated in the emergency room and sent home afterward.

Two Cars

A two-car collision Sunday afternoon sent two others to the hospital with minor injuries. The rear-end collision occurred on Montauk Highway near Beech Street in Montauk.

Sophia Fisher of Florida was traveling east when the car ahead of her stopped to turn left. She stopped, but the car behind her, driven by Ronald Krum, also of Florida, did not. It struck Ms. Fisher's car. She and her passenger, Jennifer Clark, both complained of back pain and were taken to the hospital, where they were treated and released.

Town police arrested five motorists during the week on drunken-driving charges. They were Jeffrey D. Anderson, 21, of Cornell Road, Sag Harbor; Charles C. McGarty, 18, of Springs-Fireplace Road, East Hampton; Kelly M. Wallace, 19, of Lincoln Avenue, Springs; Dennis M. Cassidy, 20, of Seaside Avenue, Montauk, and Michael J. Cerbelli, 31, of Lincoln Road, Montauk.

The first two were released on their own recognizance. The rest posted bail ranging from $150 to $750.

East Hampton Village police charged two out-of-town men, Frederick H. Williams, 39, of Stroudsburg, Pa., and Michael S. Stone, 47, of Manhattan, with driving while intoxicated early Sunday morning. Mr. Williams posted bail of $500; Mr. Stone was released on $350 bail.

Of 13 accidents reported in the village, only one resulted in a trip to the hospital, for both drivers involved. David A. Dottin of Sag Harbor and William M. Tortorella of Yonkers, N.Y., were released after treatment following a collision on Pantigo Road.

Mr. Dottin was driving east, police said, when his car was struck by Mr. Tortorella's. Mr. Tortorella was headed in the same direction, but driving on the shoulder of the road, trying to merge into traffic, the report said.

Condescending Review

Sag Harbor

June 2, 1997

To The Editor,

Your theater person, Patsy Southgate, does a grave injustice to The Star, the Bay Street Theatre, and to all us local yokels who do read her comments in your illustrious newspaper.

What show is she talking about in her review of "Make Someone Happy"? Yes, she does appreciate the blessed out program cover, the magical set by Tony Walton, the glamorous lighting, the sound design, and etc., etc.

But, in the end, she's looking "for the story that was not told," that Ms. Comden and Mr. Green "have chosen to withhold no doubt with a good reason." C'mon, Ms. Southgate, there's no mystery here, no secret personal story clues withheld. The fact is, who cares?

Not only was I not "drained" but totally entertained, totally absorbed, and loved every exciting minute of "Make Someone Happy" (and so did all my friends). What a delightful, beautifully staged, wonderfully performed, exuberant evening full of joyous life.

I hope not one single person is turned off by your condescending review. What a pity. What a loss. The Bay Street Theatre has come up with a real winner.

Sincerely,

GEORGE JUSTIN

Cultural Tapestry

Amagansett

June 1, 1997

Dear Mrs. Rattray:

I must take strong exception to the negative assertions about "status" and "symbols" offered by Pauline Goliard in her recent column on the peoples of and visitors to the lovely Town of East Hampton ("Frantically Relaxing," Star, May 29). Ms. Goliard seems to suggest that there is a powerful, ego-driven image consciousness in our community that rules nearly every aspect of our lives, from the location of our homes right down to the cars we drive and the telephone exchanges we are dealt by forces and services beyond our control! Nonsense!

We needn't think of these quirky aspects of our apparent snobbery as something to be held up for scorn, but rather, essential differences among us and about us that should be treasured, for, indeed, they enrich the cultural tapestry in our community in a way that does make us superior, not only to each other, but superior to other communities - not only on Long Island, but around the country.

I am, for example, equally comfortable dialing a "329" number - to order a pizza or a hard-to-get tractor part - as I am dialing a "324" number - for restaurant reservations, market information, or simply to reach a well-placed acquaintance just to say "Hey." There is nothing special about "324." And never did that fact become clearer to me when, while following Martha Stewart's helpful advice for planting tubers in light soil, I realized that Martha herself and her neighbor, Harry Macklowe, both have "324" numbers! And look at them! Battling bubs in a bar room brawl from "329" couldn't put on a better slugfest, catsup-stained T-shirts and all. And we're talkin' S.O.H. here, Ms. Goliard! S.O.H., N.O.H. It's A.T.S. to me! ("all the same" for you classified-pumping pinheads at the real estate boutiques).

I myself live E.O.E.H., W.O.M., S.O.S., W.T.B., W.T.F.M. (east of East Hampton, west of Montauk, south of Springs, walk to bus, walk to Farmers Market . . .) That is in the "267," baby, and proud to be there! The "Quiet Hampton." The "Unpretentious Hampton" . . . the Hampton for smart people. The one with unspoiled charm and quaint, unhurried shopping - like the Coach Factory cash machine . . . Joan & David's . . . and speaking of the Farmers Market, I was thinking of Ms. Goliard's unkind reference to Land Rovers as I stood in line for an hour waiting for scallion cream cheese and a hard spanking from the unhappy hostesses on the other side of the counter. What, I wondered, is so wrong about well-heeled white women from New York wanting to drive Land Rovers? Who cares? If they preferred to drive Camrys or Sidekicks or Grand Ams or Mercedes S-Classes, what does it matter? The truth is, the world - and our nation - have been through some horrifying natural disasters in recent months - and a Land Rover couldn't hurt! (I remember how moved I was during a May sun shower on Further Lane to see so many women in Land Rovers selflessly pushing Lexuses and Infinities that had skidded off the road onto soft shoulders, pushing them back to terra firma - without even asking for money! That is not about "status," Ms. Goliard, that is about humanity, alive and well in East Hampton.

During the crisis, I myself used my essential cell phone to dial "911." Even "911" is special here (not better, per se, just special). A recorded voice guided me through helpful East Hampton emergency instructions: "For a police emergency, press 1 now . . . for shopping assistance, press 2 . . . for poolside sunburn treatment, press 3 . . . for sold-out shows at East Hampton Cinema, press 4 . . . for benefits and openings, press 5 . . . to repeat this announcement in French . . ."

Life in East Hampton is not about "status" and "image" any more than it is about money or prestige. My own vehicle is a restored 1960 Bentley, a regal black/garnet two-tone. Did I acquire this car because it "looks good"? Attaches some "specialness" to me? Hardly. The fact is, the car possesses an enormous backseat area with fold-down teak tray tables - practical as can be for hauling around squealing weekend guests, and for spontaneous picnics when the tables outside of Brent's are filled up.

And speaking of tables, why the snide remark about "braised Thumper" at Nick and Toni's? Honey, if you ate there every weekend (as I do), you know that braised rabbit is not always the special. At times, the rabbit is toasted in the wood oven, at other times pounded and sauteed in a light butter, and sometimes even served al dente, with fava beans, over a bed of couscous. But never is the rabbit served with its head still on (as the whole striped bass might be). Is there any reason to ridicule the fancy folk who long for a visible table? Or to pooh-pooh the dour gang who file into "Snordon's" (Gordon's) before darkness sets in (where the fine staff are trained to wake you gently before each course is served)? Of course not! We must celebrate our differences, and our specialness - for all of it makes us the wonderful community that we are: "locals," "visitors," men, women . . . even realtors.

Speaking of visitors, I was sitting with a loud group of celebrants at my usual table in the front room of Nick and Toni's one summer's eve a season or two ago; suddenly, quite late, four large men in black suits with dark sunglasses and cell phones marched in and "took positions" around the restaurant: front, back, barside, coat area . . . and a few moments later (presumably when the "coast was clear") in walked a festive foursome: the distinguished Senator Al D'Amato, his jewelry-dripping girlfriend, our fine Gov. George Pataki, and Mrs. Pataki. And they all sat down, right next to us! One of my dining companions (snob!) muttered "Duh-mato" under his breath (at which moment I whacked him backside the head). Glancing over toward the restaurant owner - a somewhat liberal Jew, I am certain - his face betrayed a sort of controlled horror at the scene. But in truth, it was fun! Here was a roomful of colliding "images" and "symbols" and "egos," all laughing and staring, drinking, and eating rabbits - pure magic!

And then a feeling of darkness fell over me. I noticed that the Senator had ordered a bottle of Italian wine for the table. (Perhaps to wash down their large order of fried calamari . . . or zucchini chips . . . it's a bit fuzzy.) As the then proprietor of the now-defunct Bridgehampton Winery, I was (and remain) fiercely loyal to locally grown and bottled beverages. And this moment of extreme insensitivity (ignorance?) on the part of our senatorial representative was intolerable to me. I immediately summoned to our table the restaurant's sommelier and instructed him to present a bottle of Long Island chardonnay to George, Al, and the ladies - a gift from an anonymous patron (me go for the "status" thing?? Indeed not!). We watched gleefully as they consumed the bottle without pause, or complaint . . . the Senator pressing his argument to George for a centralized construction industry, and consideration of the death penalty for people living N.O.H. At least that is what I think he was saying.

But in the end, it wasn't about the Governor, or the Senator, or the commotion their "status" caused in the restaurant. It wasn't about Don Johnson, apparently swooning from martinis and Cohibas on the front porch, while trying to convince a gum-chewing waif that a ride in his recreational vehicle would be fun! It wasn't about the "324," the tables up front, the right car, or the right wine, or "S.O.H." (vocation, vocation, vocation. . .) In the end, it's really just about one thing, isn't it? Being. Here. And all the colliding colors that fly over the territory. Oops, gotta go. Bentley to be detailed before rabbit fund-raiser at Guild Hall tonight. Love your scarf!

LYLE GREENFIELD

Please address correspondence to [email protected]

Please include your full name, address and daytime telephone number for purposes of verification.

A former teaching assistant has filed a notice of claim against the Sag Harbor School District and its Superintendent, John Barnes, charging that she was a victim of "sick building syndrome" caused by improper ventilation at both Pierson High School and the Elementary School.

Veronica Schirmacher was fired in 1996 for excessive absences - absences she said were caused by sinus infections, allergic-like reactions, and even a hospital stay for pneumonia caused by conditions in the buildings.

"Since I haven't been there, I haven't been on antibiotics once. I haven't had one sinus infection," she said.

Yesterday, Dr. Barnes said Ms. Schirmacher had indeed been dismissed for an excessive number of absences, but he added "they had nothing to do whatsoever with the problems she's saying she had in the notice of claim."

A Misunderstanding?

"She knows exactly why she was removed," he continued. "There was no misunderstanding at the time, but apparently there is now." The School District "did everything in its power to support and help her,"he said. "It went beyond what any employer is expected to do."

Ms. Schirmacher, who is represented by Patricia Weiss, a Sag Harbor attorney, said she would seek restitution for lost wages and punitive damages.

Others At Risk

But she also said she was taking legal action because she believes the ventilation problems and other district practices are putting other staff members and schoolchildren at risk.

According to Ms. Schirmacher, the district has in the past painted walls and refinished floors while school was in session, filling the building with noxious fumes. And she questioned the wisdom of starting demolition work for the elementary school addition while school was still in session.

"Why can't they wait until school ends?" she asked. "God knows what's in those walls. They're going to have a lot of sick kids."

Ms. Schirmacher said representatives of the Board of Cooperative Educational Services had discussed her complaints with the district and recommended that any heavy cleaning, painting, or renovation work not be done while classes are in session.

To complete the eight-classroom addition and an extensive renovation of its elementary school, the district has approved a plan to have construction workers in the building during the last few weeks of school. During that period, students will be out of the building most of the time on a variety of field trips and other outdoor programs.

First Symptoms

Ms. Schirmacher said the first symptoms of her condition began to appear shortly after she was hired as a teaching assistant in the Pierson High School computer lab in 1988. Her problems reached a peak in the fall of 1993, when she collapsed at home and was hospitalized with pneumonia.

"It was bad," she said. "I had never been sick like that before." In the summer of 1994, Ms. Schirmacher was diagnosed with "sick building syndrome" at the Center for Occupational and Environmental Medicine at University Hospital at Stony Brook, she said.

Ailments Continued

Although the district agreed to transfer her to the elementary school, it denied there was a problem with the building, according to Ms. Schirmacher. She also charged that Dr. Barnes dragged his feet when she asked for material safety data sheets - information required by Federal law for a variety of chemicals and cleaning supplies used in institutional settings.

Ms. Schirmacher said her ailments continued even after she moved to the elementary school, eventually causing her dismissal.

She said several teachers have also experienced medical conditions that could be linked to "sick building syndrome" and added that several parents had told her their children had suffered undiagnosed illnesses.

The ruts and potholes that have turned a large section of the Montauk Highway into something resembling a bumper-car carnival spectacle will soon be no more.

Months of complaints from motorists, officials, police, and emergency personnel finally reached the ears of the right people in Albany last month, and the state announced this week that engineers have already begun designing what will eventually be a major reconstruction of Route 27 between Bridgehampton and Montauk Point.

The three-year, three-part project had originally been slated to begin in 2001. Instead, it will end then.

Work is now scheduled to begin next spring, with the first phase of repairs to be completed by December 1998.

Thiele Helps

Assemblyman Fred W. Thiele Jr., who was instrumental in lobbying the State Department of Transportation to move faster, said the D.O.T. will "divert resources" for the capital project, which is estimated to cost between $3 and $4 million.

"It's not uncommon for D.O.T. projects to be hated," Mr. Thiele told The Star yesterday. In this case, he said, "there is no opposition."

Even marchers in the Memorial Day parade two weeks ago were heard to say they found it hard to walk on Pantigo Road just east of East Hampton Village.

Politics Of Economics

The Pataki Administration "responds to economics," said Mr. Thiele. In a meeting with D.O.T. decision-makers last month, he said, local officials "made the compelling argument" that the highway is the "vital east-west link on the East End, and a key to the area's economy of tourism, second homes, real estate, and construction."

Officials representing East Hampton and Southampton Town and East Hampton Village attended the meeting.

The entire reconstruction will cost about $9 million, Chris Cotter, the assistant D.O.T. director on Long Island, said yesterday. "Shifting" of funds will take place, Mr. Cotter said, because it was "brought to our attention that attention to the road could not wait."

Emergency Repairs

He declined to say which other state roads now will shift to back burners.

Three sections will be reconstructed during 1998: from Norris Lane in Bridgehampton to East Gate Road in Wainscott, from Stephen Hand's Path in East Hampton to Buell Lane, and from the Newtown Lane-Main Street intersection in the village to Skimhampton Road.

Bidding will take place next winter, Mr. Cotter said.

More immediately, Mr. Thiele said, emergency repairs will be made in the next two weeks at the intersection of the new and Old Montauk Highways just east of Napeague.

Some 1,500 feet there will be resurfaced, Mr. Cotter confirmed yesterday, with a 1.5-inch asphalt overlay.

Postponements

Also slated for completion this summer is construction of a new left-hand turnoff at Stephen Hand's Path.

Worsening potholes, impassable shoulders, and general disrepair have caused consternation among motorists, bikers, and ambulance drivers for some time. Work was to have started this year, but was postponed repeatedly.

East Hampton Town Supervisor Cathy Lester, Southampton Town Supervisor Vincent Cannuscio, and East Hampton Village Mayor Paul F. Rickenbach Jr., were among those meeting with Mr. Thiele and state transportation officials on May 6 in Albany to lay out the problem.

"Fred led the charge and brought the D.O.T. to the table after hearing the hue and cry from officials in East Hampton and Southampton," said Mayor Rickenbach. "The end result is that the transportation department looked inward . . . and made a schedule improvement."

"We're pleased," the Mayor added. "It's a more realistic projection."

"This is really great news," said Supervisor Lester on Tuesday. "Thanks to Fred for allowing us to present our case to the D.O.T.

The road, Mr. Thiele noted, has been "quickly deteriorating into a dan ger ous roadway . . . unsafe at any speed."

Chris Russo, the East Hampton Town Superintendent of Highways, who has been vocal about the deteriorating conditions of Route 27, predicted that the state crew would "have a rugged time next winter and spring."

"Roads are not like people," he said. "They don't heal."

Hey guys, I have a neat little quiz for you. What do Frank Gifford, Bill Clinton, and Marv Albert have in common?

Let's see . . . they are all overgrown adolescents with active libidos? Good guess, but not quite what we're looking for. They're all respected public figures in the sports world? No. No one respects Bubba Clinton in the world of sports, because he spent his college career smoking pot instead of playing ball.

Wait, I know! Could it be that all three stand accused of taking a dip in the forbidden waters of womanhood?

Let us dissect the charges. Marv stands accused of biting a woman 15 times (anything over 12 is a felony) and attempting to force her to commit a sexual act that is illegal even between consenting adults in several states.

This one was a shocker, because Marv up until this point has been a very noncontroversial figure, a hard-working announcer who is the voice of the Knicks, the Rangers, NBC Sports, and God only knows what else. Marv broadcasts so many games that none of us has ever heard a game he wasn't broadcasting. Marv, for those of you who don't know, started his career on WLNG doing East Hampton High football, and as far as I know he didn't bite anyone around here, even once.

To put it politely, Giff really got caught with his, er, hand in the cookie jar. This made big news because he is married to Kathie Lee Gifford, who is world famous for having figured out how to employ hundreds of people for 11 cents an hour, thus single-handedly creating the Really, Really Lower Middle Class all by herself. She is also on television a lot, with Regis Philbin, though his hourly wage is a lot more than that - I'd say he's worth a good 16 cents per, from what I've seen of him.

Anyhow, when The Globe reported Giff had a liaison with a buxom blonde in her hotel room, he angrily denied it, just as he did when his wife was accused of exploiting laborers. They threatened to sue The Globe, but, uh-oh, what's this? Yes! Pictures of a man who looked a hell of a lot like Giff in the embrace of a strange woman. Here's how Marv might have broadcast the "event."

Okay, folks, Gifford looks in rare form, and it appears he's well under control of things. He starts his maneuver now. Oh! A brilliant cross-over kiss! Smooth embrace, Giff! Well done. Gifford now moving toward the flank. Uses his left hand . . . now switches to his right . . . fakes up, goes down . . . Yes! A score! A score! We're all tied-up, folks!

I couldn't believe it when the photos came out. My first instinct was that they were fakes. I even went so far as to get a magnifying glass. I took a good, hard look at the gentleman in the compromising positions and when I saw the wrinkles on the neck I knew it was my first idol, the former New York Giants halfback Frank Gifford himself, who apparently played pro ball around the turn of the century, about 81 years before Kathy Lee was born. The best thing is that he was cheating on her with an older woman. How's that for a twist?

Which brings us to Bubba Clinton. You know, that darn Supreme Court. Just because some woman accuses the President of making obscene advances the Court decides he can't use the Presidential office as a shield. Think about all the murders, mayhem, illegal wheeling-dealings, and God only knows what else that may have taken place inside the sanctum of the White House under the guise of Presidential immunity, and then ask yourself if this is fair. I mean, we can plot the assassinations of Latin American dictators without fear of reprisal but we can't even arrange a little tryst for our hard-working leader without everyone getting blown out of shape? What's this world coming to?

Paula Jones is not the only person to accuse Clinton of womanizing. An F.B.I. agent said the Prez routinely uses agents and Secret Service personnel to line up babes for him. Think about it - a young man out of college gets the calling to serve his country, and enrolls in the F.B.I. Months of intensive physical training and psychological testing and probing go by. He becomes an expert in firearms, in self-defense, in the use of sophisticated investigatory techniques like fingerprinting, wiretapping, etc. He then gets assigned to the White House:

Prez: Agent, see that shapely redhead over there? I want you to go tell her the President wants to meet her in his room later.

Agent: Sir, with all due respect, that's not part of my job.

Prez: Okay, run down to Burger King and get me two Whoppers, fries, and a shake and send the Secret Service guy over to the babe.

Anyhow, here's how I think things will shake out: The Prez will reach an undetermined financial settlement with Ms. Jones and she will go away forever more. Either that or he'll direct one of those F.B.I. guys to pretend she is the head of state of some Latin American country, in which case it will be okay to shoot her 47 times.

Marv will have his day in court, call Dennis Rodman as a character witness, and bite the judge 15 times if he's found guilty.

Kathie Lee will cry on the air, pray for Frank's salvation, and end up on a cruise with the entire Green Bay Packers football team, muttering things like "I thought all football players were wrinkled, old fossils" to every guy in the offensive backfield.

A repentant Giff will find God in the underwear of some broad half his age, and everyone ever involved in one of these public tawdry affairs will sue everybody else in civil court for zillions of dollars. Pee Wee Herman's left hand will reach an out-of-court settlement with his right.

"There have been four editions of the festival, each one progressively better than the year before. My goal is to make it five in a row," said the Hamptons International Film Festival's new executive director, Bruce Feinberg.

A board member since the festival's inception, Mr. Feinberg has witnessed its growth and stepped in for a brief period as managing director in 1995. He also is the board secretary, a position he will maintain.

An announcement of Mr. Feinberg's appointment was made last week. He replaces Ken Tabachnick, who was in the post for only one year and whose contract had expired. Mr. Tabachnick was reported to be out of the country and could not be reached for comment.

Film Commissioner

Mr. Feinberg, who lives in Long Beach, is a marketing and public relations consultant in the entertainment and news media industries. In 1981, he joined the New York City Mayor's Office of Film, Theater, and Broadcasting, and, in 1992, he was appointed by Governor Cuomo as New York State Film Commissioner. In that post his job involved "attracting the media, providing services to producers, and scouting locations," he said.

Mr. Feinberg noted that the festival, while conducted primarily for the film industry, was intent on being a boost to the local economy in its off-season.

"I know it causes traffic five weeks after everyone is glad the traffic is over," Mr. Feinberg admitted, but the festival "brings to the community an extra season." He noted that after the first year the festival had limited the meals it provides itself to opening and closing nights.

Giving Back

He also cited the free outdoor screenings the festival has held for the past two summers as an example of its giving back to the village. While plans have not yet been finalized, the festival intends to hold another public event in August, he said.

As announced in The Star on May 8, the festival has appointed six new board members. They are Jonathan Canno, C.E.O. of the Equitable Bag Company, Michael Lynne, C.E.O. of New Line Cinema, Rodney Miller of Credit Suisse First Boston, Cindy Sulzberger, who will begin teaching at the Hampton Day School in the fall, Claude Wasserstein, president of Cresta Point Productions, and Patty Weeks, a sponsor of the arts.

Each new board member brings some blend of film industry experience, fund-raising skills, and connections to the board. In December, also as previously reported, the chairwoman of the board, Toni Ross, expects to leave her office but remain an active member of the board.

As to the future viability of the event, Mr. Feinberg said that "in any not-for-profit organization you have an ebb and flow of finances."

Money was tight throughout the early spring months, but Mr. Feinberg said the horizon was brightened by many "international caliber" sponsors' planning to come on board for 1997. He declined to disclose them, but used Jaguar, a sponsor of last year's festival, as an example.

During the summer season, the festival's office will be open daily. While the tightening of funds prevented the festival from becoming the year-round operation it had envisioned, now, as one board member, Roberta Wolf, put it, "We're ready to roll again."

The talk turned to food, as it often does around our dinner table, a topic that used to be thought an eccentricity of the French and utterly declasse by the English. I don't think Americans have come to any final decision on the matter, and they probably never will if they keep the telly on during meals, a quintessential American habit.

As an inveterate reader of restaurant reviews, I'd been thunderstruck by Ruth Reichl's review in The New York Times of an East Side eatery called Il Postino that caters to the Sutton Place crowd, and curious to know if any of my guests had dined there. One had.

This place has a minuscule written menu and wine list, substituting instead the irritating, unenlightening practice of having the waiter reel off a rapid-fire spiel of "specials."

Intimidation

In the age of a computer in every kitchen, what could be more unnecessary than this kind of transparent ploy to intimidate clients into ordering dishes they don't know the price of? I usually counter with a disconcerting "What does that cost?" after each "special" mentioned, figuring two can play at this game.

Well, apparently Ms. Reichl didn't ask (after all, her employer pays for her meals), though she and her guests, charitably I thought, put it down to "theater." (I thought restaurant-going as "theater" had died with other ostentatious spending of the '80s, but apparently not.)

When the bill came, Ms. Reichl realized she'd have been better off springing for a ticket to a Broadway show. Her "few strands of pasta drenched in a very garlicky tomato sauce" topped with a small baby lobster cost $58.50 (we call those four-for-$20 runts "chicks" around here).

Not a simple $58 even, but $58.50! A dessert plate of fresh fruit was $28.50. Talk about "let them eat cake." What about bringing back the guillotine?

Detestable Recitation

I have never yet met anyone who did not detest the intrusive "specials" recitation, usually delivered in garbled English and forgotten completely after Item Three.

One of my guests says her counterattack is to ask, "What was that you mentioned just after the pasta fra diavolo but before you got to the veal thingydingy . . . or was that when you were listing the appetizers?"

Well, fellow victims, shall we all give it a try? And whip out a pad and pen to write down the price of each "special"? Maybe then we can drive this hokey practice out of existence and back to a true Daily Specials listing, handwritten in purple ink if necessary, on a scrap of paper, as the old French bistros used to do.

While we're complaining about restaurant gouging, let's try to ward off the blossoming gambit of defending outrageous prices with the excuse that "it's enough for two to share." That's what most people have to do at home, bub, and they aren't particularly pleased to have to wrangle over whose favorite dish will be the one to be shared.

Smaller portions, please, with smaller prices to match.

The popularity of opening "Tuscan" restaurants among entrepreneurs who are only sometimes Italian, much less "Tuscan," is readily apparent to any food shopper able to operate a pocket calculator. Keep your eyes peeled for yet another restaurant in Sag Harbor, this one to be located on the site of the old Remkus fishing station at the foot of the bridge.

Early rumor has it that the place will be a seafood joint, but pricey seafood is a harder sell in Sag Harbor than around Sutton Place, especially if the restaurant expects any winter trade. Chances are pretty good that it will wind up, yes, another "Tuscan" trattoria full of pasta and beans with a handful of seafood dishes on its menu.

Or perhaps we'll get lucky and the operators will find a cook who knows the food of Friuli, the Alto Adige, or Trieste, with its interesting mix of influences. Or how about giving the food of Berlin or Vienna a chance? After all, we had a Spanish tapas restaurant run by a couple of Americans from Shelter Island for a few years.

Lasagne Interpreted

In this age of "fusion" cookery I am an enthusiastic devotee of applying Eastern techniques to Western dishes, and so long as we are now free to put anything on top of pasta asciutta, I feel that dishes called "lasagne" are open to interpretation too. Lord only knows there must be a million versions of it in New Jersey alone.

So here's mine:

Harbor Light Turkey And Spinach Lasagne

Okay, so it sounds unpromising. However, it's been one of the most popular dishes I've sprung on my family in years. (This and a green-and-white chili they think I should patent and market as Mom's Own Harbor-Mex Chili. Another day, perhaps.)

Fills one 9-by-13-by-2-inch baking dish.

Lasagne always seems like a lot of trouble to me, but this amount always is enough for two family meals and it waits around fairly well for late Friday-evening stragglers. Most of the mincing, chopping, and grating can be done in a food processor, and if you do it in the proper order, without having to wash the thing.

2 pkgs. frozen leaf spinach, thawed

2 Tbsp. olive oil

4 cloves fresh garlic

1 medium-large onion

1 lb. ground turkey (not breast meat)

1 cup sliced mushrooms

Salt and coarsely ground fresh pepper

1/2 tsp. dried marjoram leaves

1 24-oz. jar home-style spaghetti sauce (marinara with mushrooms)

11/2 lbs. part-skim ricotta cheese

1 egg, beaten

Several scrapings nutmeg

1 Tbsp. fresh oregano leaves, minced

3 cups shredded Gruyere or firm imported Fontina

1/2 cup cubes of whatever: Chaumes, Port Salut, any semi-soft tasty cheese you have on hand (even Havarti or Gouda)

1 eight-ounce pkg. "no-boil" lasagne pieces

Squeeze the thawed spinach of excessive water (not too dry, though) and chop it roughly with a knife. Set aside. Use the food processor to mince the garlic and chop the onion. Heat two Tbsp. olive oil in a large, heavy saute pan. Add the garlic and onions and saute briefly. Add the mushrooms and turkey, stirring to break it into small chunks. Cook over medium heat until it loses color, then season with salt, pepper, and dried marjoram (or thyme leaves). Add the spaghetti sauce and stir well. Turn off the heat.

Stir to gether the ricotta, egg, nutmeg, fresh oregano leaves, and reserved spinach. Neither American Fontina nor mozzarella from anywhere has much flavor, so I prefer to use the much nuttier Gruyere or Emmenthaler (both are imported cheeses similar to what we call Swiss, the first made in France and the latter in Switzerland).

The Assembly

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

Assemble the lasagne as follows:

Be certain your baking dish is no larger than the one above (it could be a bit smaller, though not much). Put a thin layer of the turkey-spaghetti sauce on the bottom. Lay three of the large noodles side by side, not overlapping. Cover thinly with turkey sauce, then layer evenly a third of the ricotta mixture on top of the sauce. Sprinkle with some shredded cheese and then a layer of dry noodles. Spread with a thin layer of turkey sauce, then ricotta, then shredded cheese.

Repeat. On top, dot with the cubes of whatever semi-soft cheese you've selected - goat cheese is good too. Sprinkle with several sprigs of fresh thyme for garnish. Cover very lightly with oiled foil and press the edges under to retain the steam that will arise to cook the noodles, but try to avoid having the foil touch the top layer of cheese as it could pull it away upon removal.

Bake in the center of the oven for 25 minutes. Carefully remove the foil and return the dish to the oven for an additional 10 minutes. Don't overcook or the dish will be dried out. The "no-precook" lasagne noodles are quite thin. Let the lasagne settle in its dish for about five minutes, then serve on warmed plates.

Such a potentially rich dish - and believe me, it can be taken to reckless heights of luxuriousness, as in an all-white version I once ate that was made with goat cheese, sauce Bechamel, and pounds of whole-milk ricotta and buffalo mozzarella - can be even more delicious scattered with sliced black Italian or Greek olives.

A mixed green salad is quite an adequate accompaniment.